


Reflections

by LostShadowPuppet



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, G!P, Girl!Peen, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-16
Updated: 2012-08-16
Packaged: 2017-11-12 06:32:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/487774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostShadowPuppet/pseuds/LostShadowPuppet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>High school was the best and worst time of my life. Everything was perfect. I was getting good grades, I was popular, I was a cheerleader and I had my two best friends beside me. Nobody suspected there was anything wrong with me. Until one day, my delusional bubble of awkward perfection was popped and everything fell apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

High school was the best and worst time of my life.  
My Family moved to Lima, Ohio when I was 15. My Father Doctor Juan Lopez was the head of trauma at Centro Medico de Rio Piedras in San Juan, but was offered the opportunity to make more money and gain more experience at Lima Memorial. Papi was so excited to get an chance to live the American Dream.  
When we arrived my father was so happy. I think he was trying to make his happiness contagious, like he had this strange belief that if he was happy enough, we all would be happy. Like some sort of infectious disease. Happiness Aids? “Oh, Dios Mios! I have Happiness C.” “I’m sorry to tell you that you have Happiness B, you have only moments to live before your brain explodes.” Ugh, even thinking of how he still does it to this day, makes my skin crawl.  
I’ll never forget walking out of the airport in Columbus and hearing my mother Maribel mutter under her breathe in Spanish. “Mierda mi Vida.” I think it is such a strong memory because it was the first time I had ever heard her swear. Usually, though she held that classic Latina hot-head, she would threaten you with violence. Not derogatory words. I think she gets it from my Abuela who still lives in the Dominican Republic. I miss her. And her chair, in which she threatens to beat me with regularity.  
Before we moved to America, especially just before I started High School, my mom worked really hard to get me to really look like a girl. Not that I didn’t look like a girl, it’s just apparently High Schoolers are far more judgemental than all the other kids and I was different enough, she didn’t want me to suffer at the hands of prejudiced children and adults.  
For some reason I’ve never enjoyed the feeling of wearing a skirt. I feel exposed. And not just because of what’s going on down there. I just couldn’t get used to that feeling. I didn’t like the dresses she put on me, it didn’t matter where I was I simply just removed them. My Mami got viciously angry every time I did this. When I was a child, I would do it anywhere, like one time in the middle of a grocery store, I threw a tantrum about wearing this heinous dress she had picked and started to take it off. She couldn’t understand why I didn’t want the dresses but eventually caved and let Dad take me to a clothing store to buy some jeans from the boys department and a cute top from the girls.

The one thing I did keep outwardly girly though to appease Mami, was my hair. It was super long, super shiny and super girly. She used to brush it and style it for me. I loved that bonding time with her. She was so gentle and caring.

Starting school bought about several different things. The first one I noticed was I was one of the only ethnic kids at my school, it was me, two Jewish kids, two Asians and a few blacks kids. It seemed when I walked the corridors as if I had stepped into a Blonde hair, blue eyed factory. Like Mattel had decided to puke all the strange Barbie’s from all the years past and even some future ones into William McKinley high as some sort of deranged social experiment.  
“Let’s see how Barbie plays with those other ones…”  
The second was people don’t like people with accents. When you open your mouth, they just stare at you as though you just spoke Klingon or ranted and raved about quantum physics.  
The third was that Racism was still alive and well in Middle America. Who the hell has ever heard of this so called 21st Century? It’s still 1823 in their books. I had never experienced that. I got asked how I managed to get across the boarder, by 17 people on my first day. This leads me to my fourth thing, that’s highly related to the third. Middle America does not seem to invest all that much money into the study of Geography. Apparently the Dominican Republic is in California and Puerto Rico is a made up country like Narnia, thus I have been told I am one of three options; Human crossed with Lion, Human Crossed with Beaver or my favourite, Human crossed with Goat. The only reason the latter is my favourite is because Mr Tumnus is my favourite character.  
But by the end of the week I had managed to cement myself as something other than some sort of exotic creature found in the depths of the Amazon sent to be poked and prodded by the so called more dominant species. The fifth thing about American school life was thus, Cheerleading will get you everything.  
I had never done cheerleading. I had never considered it. I’d seen it on movies, but the girls looked like bitches and were intolerable. Plus the short, short skirts were not good for someone who was packing downstairs. But to my fortune/misfortune I was placed on the squad.  
The school had a large dance studio off the gym, having had one of the worst days of my life; I had to find somewhere to hide during lunch, before I took a leaf from my Abuela’s book and beat someone with a chair. Wondering aimlessly I stumbled across it. Nobody ever seemed to be there so I claimed it as my own. I did Gymnastics and Dance back in Puerto Rico, so this space seemed like heaven.  
After a particularly rough morning I stormed into the studio puffed. I was so angry all I could do was puff, like I’d ran a seven hundred mile distance in the space of 30 seconds. Instead, of doing something stupid, like I usually did, I put on a CD and let go. I let myself feel the music that I had never heard before. I danced for a bit until the music was turned off half way into a song.  
I turned around about to go all San Juan on the person when I was confronted by a stern looking woman dressed in a bright red old school Adidas tracksuit. She glared at me then spoke in a monotone “J-Lo, Practice is after school at 3.30. If you are late you are off the team.”  
“What team” I had asked confused as to what I just involuntary had joined  
“Cheerleading” and just like that she stormed out of the studio.

It was difficult to begin with. I would wait until all the other Cheerleaders had finished changing before I did. I’d take extra-long to warm down after practice so no-one would be in the locker room when I went to go shower. Nobody questioned me. The fact that no one had suspected or had accidentally found out about my problem was nothing short of a miracle. I had laid beneath the radar in San Juan, in Lima I was the radar.  
I didn’t look masculine, so that was a good thing. I was very feminine. Asides the male appendage. I wasn’t technically a boy. I was born a girl; I just had some extra tools in the garden shed.  
I never thought I’d meet anyone who would ever understand, so I literally cut myself off from people. I had friends, but nothing more. I guess you could say I was afraid of my penis. Thus I would never willingly tell anybody. It seems odd to say you are afraid of your penis. But it’s true. I was afraid of my penis and the consequences that entails if someone were to find out.

Until the time came, I had hardly been confronted with my sexuality outwards at all, I don’t really know why. Of course I had masturbated and such but I had never fallen in love or lust and because of that never really contemplated if I liked boys or girls, I felt somehow that I wouldn’t mind whichever it happened to be.  
Everything was perfect. I was getting good grades, I was popular, I was a cheerleader and I had my best friends beside me. Nobody suspected there was anything wrong with me.  
Until one day, my delusional bubble of awkward perfection was popped and everything fell apart.


	2. Chapter One.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine's drunk, Quinn's a bitch and Chivalry is not dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spanish translations will be at the end :)

—————  
Chapter 1:  
—————  
Friday nights meant one thing and one thing only. Alcohol. Because it was the end of the school year, Noah Puckerman decided to throw a house party. If you weren’t at Puck’s you didn’t deserve to live. Or so the saying went. Because he only lived a few houses down, I took my time getting ready. I smiled at myself in my mirror as I adjusted my red dress. Who’d have thought a year ago I would have thrown a bitch fit at the thought of wearing a dress. Alas, what cheerleading does to a person.  
As I went down the stairs I let my Mami know I was going.  
“No beba mucho bebé. Tener una buena noche.” She called to my retreating form. She refused to speak English in the house. It wasn’t that she didn’t know how, it was a rebellious thing against Papi. She didn’t want to leave her family back home and my Abuela had refused to move to Puerto Rico from the Dominican Republic, let alone from DR to the U.S. Papi’s parent’s had moved to Lima as soon as my Papi had announced that the U.S was amazing. I roll my eyes at the memory and smirk. Papi has such a way with enthusiasm.  
“Santana!” Puck called over the music when I came through her door. “Hola chica!” he threw his arm around my shoulder and slurred into my ear “How about’s we get you some tequila and we do the horizontal mambo” I shook my head and rolled my eyes  
“How charming of you Puckerman. Does that work often, because that was about as racist a pick up line as I’ve ever heard.” I removed his arm from my shoulder and left him in the doorway. I shuffled around until I saw someone I knew. All the sudden I was hug tackled from behind. I turned around to face my best friend, Blaine. It was such a girlish move on his part. I turned around to face him and hugged him quickly.  
Most people assumed that my best friends were only Cheerios. Like I was incapable of being friends with anybody other than the ponytail army of Barbie’s. But no, I had met Blaine when I had first arrived in Lima as I was wondering around trying to get a hold of living in a different country. Blaine had gone out of his way to help me with everything and I loved him so much for it. Plus we were both different and we sought comfort in each other for it. Blaine was as queer as a three dollar bill and I was me. The immigrant. Together we faced the slur of ignorant homosexual and racist jokes. Until people decided Blaine wasn’t gay and that we were together. We kept up that façade to make life that little more simple. Blaine knew everything about me. Except that one little detail.  
He held me in a death hug. I thought he was going to make my eyeballs pop out of my head. I hugged him back and screwed up my nose at the smell of vodka.  
“Jesus Blaine, did you bathe in Vodka before you got here? Or is that Vodka instead of gel holding your hair in place?” I asked as he continued to hold me. Looking over his shoulder I noticed a tall blonde haired girl I’d never seen before eyeing me suspiciously. Confused I turned back to Blaine who was rambling on about something to do with the private boy’s school Dalton and how sexy someone looked in a uniform. I should really listen to him.  
“How are you anyway mi amore?” Blaine mumbled out, he was so charming even after swimming in an ocean of vodka. I smiled at him.  
“I’m awesome.”  
“I know you are.” He winks at my flirtatiously. This is our thing. We flirt and its fun, but nothing will ever come of it.  
“So, Mama Lopez let you out finally?” He said jokingly.  
Contrary to popular belief I was not a frequent guest at parties. Despite my Mami and Papi’s lax attitude to life in general, parties were a big no-no. Something about teenage pregnancy and getting beaten with a chair by my Abuela then my Mami, aunties and uncles. Like a Congo line of chair beatings. I really did tune out when my Mami would rant like that.  
“Si, at first I thought she wasn’t going to. My cousin Isabella is pregnant, she’s only 17. Mami went on this huge trip about teenage pregnancy. But I managed to get a sweet deal out of the threats of violence” I grinned.  
“What?”  
“Dad promised that he would take me practice driving tomorrow if I didn’t drink anything.”  
I didn’t get further than that before Mike Chang suddenly stood before me. I looked wonderingly at him. Blaine took this as his cue to leave. Smirking as he walked away. Man I hate that guy sometimes.  
“Hey Santana, do you want to dance?”  
I looked around the room slightly panicked. I had a reputation, but none of it was true. I literally just kept to Blaine. Biting my lip I gave into some kind of defeat that wasn’t aware was within me  
“Ok.” I said and rose up.  
He took my hand and dragged me off to an adjacent room that had been prepared for that purpose. Just my luck the upbeat song that had just been playing changed to a slow song. I cursed Jason Mraz as Mike put his arms around my waist and I instinctively placed my arms around his neck. Damn instincts.  
More couples joined the few that had started swaying in time. I had to admit, this kind of felt good. But wrong. The wrong outweighed the good. I sighed. And placed my chin on his shoulder, this was so awkward I didn’t want to look at him. Looking over my eyes connected with bright blue ones. The blonde girl from before hadn’t moved, nor did it seem as though she had any friends with her. It was odd. I’d never seen her before.  
I got an uneasy feeling when I spotted Quinn make her way towards the girl. I rolled my eyes in frustration. Although Quinn could be considered my friend, I kind of hated her. It was a strange paradox. She had a group of minions following her and I bit my lip, knowing exactly what was going to happen. Conveniently the song ended just then and I smiled at  
Mike and thanked him for the dance. I was just about to walk away when he grabbed my arm and pushed me up in a corner. He began to kiss, or rather viciously assault me with his lips. It felt like he was trying to suffocate me. I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away from me and then moved away, storming out of the room. Mike was red in the face. Not from anger but from embarrassment. I stopped almost right outside the room I had just exited; Quinn had begun to close in on the unsuspecting blonde haired girl.  
“You are not welcome here.” She said gruffly.  
“I was invited.” The girl said in a sweet, innocent voice.  
“Not by me.” Quinn scoffed  
“Am I supposed to be afraid or something?” the girl replied confused slightly by the confrontation. Quinn narrowed her eyes. If looks could kill  
“What are you going to do? Use the force to make my head explode?”  
The inner nerd in me chuckled loudly at this as other muffled laughs echoed around the room this did nothing to soothe Quinn’s temper.  
“Watch your fucking mouth.” Quinn snapped  
The girl just shook her head like she pitied her. Quinn suddenly saw me and her smile suddenly sneaked back. She got something sadistic in her eyes. A friend of the blonde girl had just come up to her to take her away when Quinn suddenly piped up again.  
“Are you running away you little cunt?”  
“Why? Do you have anything more uninteresting to say?” the girl said unenthused  
“I know what you are” Quinn replied. The girl froze stared incredulously at her.  
“You’re a dyke!” She said teasingly. “A big butch dyke!”  
Quinn and several others started to laugh for some reason. The girl that had just spotted me stared deep red in the face at me. I could see her tormented expression and how sad she looked. I stood watching the scene unsure as to what I was supposed to do. I wanted to help but didn’t know how. She then looked back at her friend and shook her head. Her friend, who I realised now, was that annoying hobbit Rachel Berry averted her eyes. Looking at the ground, the girl’s shoulders slumped and she threw herself out the door and into the night. The room was deafly quiet.  
I found myself again and shook my head as I approached Quinn. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Usted no tiene derecho a hacer eso. Ella no se merecía eso. Vete a la mierda de vuelta al infierno engendro de Satanás.” I yelled directly in Quinn’s face. When I get angry I revert back to my native tongue and for some reason it scares people. I can see Blaine wringing his hands in my peripheral vision. I could tell he was contemplating intervening  
“What? She’s just a pathetic little…” Quinn started but I cut her off  
“Shut up!” I yelled at her. I stood back and looked around the room. Shaking my head at everybody. I stormed out through the door and after the girl. Looking down the road I saw a shimmer of blonde hair from the moonlight. Taking off after her. She was fast and now I couldn’t see her, I stopped for a while and listened but I couldn’t hear her either. I didn’t feel like giving up so I took a chance that she had continued straight ahead and jogged in that direction. So glad I decided to wear flats. Even if the dress was making all this running difficult. I came to a playground and suddenly heard someone sobbing so I followed the sound and ended up by the swings where someone was sitting. Despite the faint moonlight I could see it was her.  
“What do you want?” A small voice asked. I didn’t know what to say so I sat on the swing beside her in silence staring out into the darkness.  
“If you’ve come to make fun of me then please go.” She whispered in a broken tone.  
“I didn’t run four blocks after you to insult you. I’m not that way inclined. I’d rather wait until Monday. Call me lazy.” I smirked and looked over at her; my joke didn’t seem to have landed well. Clearing my throat I continued “I didn’t find that amusing at all. And I regret very much that I didn’t say anything until afterwards. I should have stood up for you”  
“What did you say?” she looked at me  
“I wondered what was wrong with her.” I shrugged and a little smile showed itself on her lips.  
“You shouldn’t care what Quinn says, she’s just stupid.” I said.  
“I don’t really. But…”  
I waited a little. “But?” I asked.  
“What she said about… well, you know. I had only told that to my best friend… Obviously she wasn’t as good as I thought.” She fidgeted with her hands and tried to hold back a sob.  
I looked up at the stars in the sky for advice. I really didn’t know what to say.  
“It was strong of you to stand up against Quinn. I know she’s your best friend” She whispered.  
“Common mistake made by those who don’t know me at all is that Quinn is my best friend. I don’t know what to label her, frenemies? My best friend is Blaine. Quinn’s just a bitch a know.” The girl gave a short laugh.  
“She’s ok by herself but impossible surrounded by her minions. She’s a leader and without her Minions she would be like a general without an army. “I smiled at her and saw a shadow of a blush fall over her cheeks. We fell into a comfortable silence, the creak of the swings the only noise.  
“I should probably go home now.” She breaks the silence  
“I’ll walk you.” I smile  
“Thanks. You don’t have to though” She said and I could distinguish a smile from her through the dark.  
“I know, but I want to” I smile back at her. There is something that is drawing me in. I stood up and then helped her up. She smiled again and it gave me Goosebumps. We made our way away from the playground and made some small talk on the way to her home. I learnt that she had a cat named Lord Tubbington and that he had an ecstasy addiction that she was in Glee club, she was a dancer and to my surprise, she was born and raised in Lima. It was strange because I had honestly never seen her before. As we walked I noticed we were walking in the opposite direction from my house. But since I had stormed out of the party early it gave me time to get home before my curfew. Besides I felt like I needed to get my mind in order and what could be better than a walk in fresh air? I was so pissed at Quinn.  
We slowed and stopped outside of a white picket fence that lead up to an average sized house. The kind of house 50’s housewives longed for. I chuckled to myself. The house was vastly different from mine. My thoughts are interrupted as she clears her throat nervously. She seems to have gone shy again. Cute.  
“So, this is my house.”  
I looked from her house into her eyes. She looked very beautiful in the streetlight, but I couldn’t bring me to admit it to myself, let alone her. Embarrassed I looked at the mailbox.  
“Pierce…” I mumbled to myself. She looked at me expectantly. As if I was supposed to say something. I rubbed my neck nervously.  
“Yup, Pierce is my last name. And you are Santana Lopez.  
How embarrassing, she knew who I was and I had no idea about her. I looked a little hesitantly at her. She noticed that there was something I wanted to ask, but didn’t dare to.  
“You don’t know my name do you?”  
I looked blushing down on the ground and shook my head.  
“Brittany. Brittany S. Pierce” She said with a smile  
My lips spoke the name soundlessly. I looked up at her again. She looked into my eyes and took a step towards me. I thought she was going to kiss me and flinched a little. Instead I felt her lips press softly against my right cheek. I felt my whole body burning. Unconsciously I put my hand on the place she had kissed me. She smiled.  
“Thank you for everything Santana.”  
“Y-you’re welcome.” I said tamely.  
“Bye.”  
“Bye…” I whispered hoarsely  
I stood there looking after her until she had gone inside. She waved just before she closed the door. I began to slowly walk towards home. The whole way there I did not think about anything. On the contrary my head had been emptied of everything. The walk home was like I was on autopilot. When I walked in the door Mami greeted me somewhat suspiciously  
“Estás en casa ya?” Mom wondered genuinely surprised.  
“Si” I answered shortly.  
I walked past her and into the lounge, where surprisingly my Papi sat in his chair drinking a cup of coffee. I had thought he would have still been at the hospital.  
“Was it fun?” Papi asked smiling at me.  
“Yeah, I guess.” I said a little secretive.  
Mami walked in and stood before me. It was the same story as every time, when I had been away I had to breathe on her. I don’t know why she didn’t invest in a breathalyzer. It would make me feel less uncomfortable. Her strange obsession with alcohol was a little disconcerting. When she didn’t smell anything she smiled at me and sat down next to Papi. I didn’t feel very social so I went up to bed. I removed my dress and threw a singlet on. It was only when I got down under the cover and began to relax that the thoughts began to bombard my head as if the Axis had invaded Poland. Except Poland was my mind and the Axis was Brittany S. Pierce.  
I didn’t really understand what I was feeling. Was Brittany really gay? Was I gay? Did it make me gay if I liked a girl? Why can’t I get her out of my mind? Why do I have so many questions? We had talked, she revealed a bit about herself and she had kissed me on the cheek. But it wasn’t more than that was it? She did it because she thought I was nice right? I knew deep down that I liked her but didn’t want to admit it to myself. It would only bring a lot of problems. I’m not a girl for real, what would she say if she found out about my problem? What would she say and what would she think? I lay there tossing and turning .  
I eventually gave up on sleep completely and decided to have a shower. I got up from my warm bed and went to the bathroom yawning I closed the door and locked it. Yay for having an ensuite. Usually I just threw off all the clothes and went straight into the shower; I almost never looked in mirrors except when I brushed my long hair, but now I suddenly found myself stood before the full-length mirror. I eyed myself thoroughly, and then slowly removed my top. Standing in just boxers, scrutinizing myself in the mirror.  
I then removed my boxers and analysed my body. I hadn’t really done that in a good while. It had been a habit to completely ignore my lower half because I honestly wasn’t a big fan of it; it reminded me every day about how much of a freak I actually was. I always thought of it as a separate entity. Like, I knew it was there, but I never saw it as there. Only in the mirror did I see it as a part of my body. They fitted in, in a strange way. I wondered how I had managed to hide my moderately large dick from the world for so long.  
Sighing, I moved to the shower and turned the water onto scolding hot. I let the water flow over my body until I got used to it. My mind drifted off and before I knew it the water had started to run cold. It seemed as though I had drifted off for a longer period than I initially thought. I turned it off and got out, snatched a towel and began to dry myself from head to foot. It felt so comfortably warm in the bathroom. I liked the sauna feeling. I stood before the mirror again and brushed through my long hair so it didn’t go mad crazy. I studied myself more intently in the mirror, up and down several times. Slowly but surely I began to notice my erect nipples that longed to get touched and my pulsating cock that really wanted to get caressed. It was well over a month since I had been noticeably aroused last and suddenly the fluffy large bathroom mat looked extremely inviting.  
I lay down on the mat and closed my eyes, drifting away into my fantasy. Brittany came up to me and was standing over me, completely naked. My hands slowly began to caress and pinch my nipples and at the same time I was in my thoughts looking up at the blonde girl’s breasts. I imagined that my caresses were her tongue and mouth that slowly enveloped my nipples and kneading them with her lips. My nails became her teeth that very gently bite down.  
I took long and heavy breaths that got deeper the more and harder I caress. Her mouth now makes its way down to my penis and when my fingers hit my cock I gasped and shuddered powerfully from the pleasure. She begins to lick via my hand around my head and down my shaft that my fingers delicately run over, she teases a little before she once again licks up towards my head. She smiles at me mischievously and then moves her body up and she gently kisses me while sliding my member inside. She begins to ride me almost painfully slow, slowly picking up pace. At the same time her mouth finds my neck and she sucks on it hard.  
I feel that the restlessness is rising in me and my hips begin to meet her movements. My legs bent up by the knees and then parted to give her better room on the same time as I can thrust back. I feel the familiar tingling in my cock, slowly it builds up in my stomach and when she suddenly begins to increase the speed and intensity I slide over the edge and wave after wave of heat and pleasure races through my body. A long delighted groan comes over my lips and I shoot my load onto my stomach. I lay relaxed on the mat and stare at the ceiling.  
It probably took about five minutes before I managed to get up on my shaky legs and wash my hands and stomach. Wrapping my towel around me I go back to my bedroom. Removing the towel I slide in into bed naked. This is the first time I have ever masturbated and felt satisfied by it. Smiling I fall asleep.  
The next day I woke up pretty early feeling somewhat ashamed. I had fantasized about Brittany when I masturbated. I felt disgusting. I just met her yesterday, what was I thinking? Sighing I had a feeling this would be a pretty crappy day. Giving up completely on the day, I pulled my covers over my head and went to sleep again.  
I didn’t wake up until Mami knocked on the door.  
“No eres tú para arriba todavía? Pensé que quería ir de compras? “  
“mhmmundsunnmmshn jmmhhn” I replied sleepily  
” Está bien. Sólo levántate ¿verdad?”  
“mhmmmdsa umm” I answered uninterested.  
“He hecho gofres.”  
I ignored her and pulled my covers tighter around me. Around eleven o’clock I got up, when Mami began banging pots outside my bedroom and singing a song she made up about lazy 16 year olds. As soon as I was up she ushered me out the door; I skipped eating breakfast to mami’s dismay. When I began to get depressed I often used to skip meals and she knew that and tried to extort me for information. She didn’t get much out of me on the ten minutes long drive downtown though. We parked above the shopping centre and took the elevator down to Top Shop.  
Mami wanted to buy something I could wear on all occasions. Not wanting to be around Mami for too long, I quickly found a super cute tiered red maxi dress. Mami then wanted to go to H&M to buy something for herself. I walked aimlessly around the store and happened to end up in the women’s department, wondering for a few seconds how I would look in them. I eyeballed some of the lingerie.  
“Fancy seeing you here” a fairy like voice permeated my thoughts. Frightened I spun around and came face to face with Brittany  
“What? Uhhhm… I… No, I just…” She laughed cheekily at my reaction as I blushed.  
I’m here with mom. She’s here somewhere.” I managed to get out lamely. She looked at me brightly. Still smiling in a childish manner  
“Buying clothes for any particular reason?”  
“To appease Mami. She’s always badgering me to go shopping with her, it’s embarrassing.”  
“Ok.” She looked thoughtfully at me and then giggled. “Could you possibly be interested in? Being a taste advisor?” Until she said that I didn’t even notice the clothes in her hand. Way to pay attention Santana.  
“Yeah… Sure.” I muttered shyly. My mind was working overtime. I felt like I was making such a dick of myself.  
We walked towards the changing rooms; she went into one whilst I sat on the couch, pulling out my phone and playing angry birds. When she first came out my mouth dropped open, she put on dark blue skinny jeans and then modelled first the light blue blouse, then a dark green and after that a yellow for me.  
“Which one do you like best?” She asked. She looked so beautiful in all of them, but the blue one had my mouth opening and closing like a guppy. I literally felt like I was a fish using my fish powers and producing the world’s best guppy mating call.  
“The blue, no doubt.”  
“Really?”  
“Totally, it brings out the colour of your eyes” I said flirtatiously. Realising what I had said my eyes felt like they popped out of my head. I blushed in embarrassment and she smiles at me adoringly.  
She went back into the cubicle but when she pulled the curtain there was a gap where I could see her standing in front of the mirror, taking off the clothes and standing in only panties and bra. I couldn’t help but lean forward and look through the gap. The sight of her sent waves of heat through my body. A smile suddenly spread in her face and she turned so she stood in profile. Right after that I think our eyes met in the mirror but I wasn’t sure since I quickly pulled away, when she came out from there a while later I tried to look as indifferent as possible. I hoped she wouldn’t notice my aroused state.  
“Are you ok?” She asked innocently when she came out and saw me.  
“Yeah, why?”  
“Well, you looked a little flushed.”  
“Uuhh, menopause?”  
She laughed at me and at that moment Mami came around a clothing stand and approached us.  
“Ahí lo tienes, he estado buscando. ¿Quién es tu amigo?”  
“This is Brittany. She uh, goes to McKinley.”  
Brittany greeted Mami with a handshake, a little apprehensive because Mami was still talking Spanish.  
“Hola. Es un placer conocerte. “Mami smiles at her. Brittany smiles awkwardly and I realise she has no idea as to what Mami is on about.  
“Mami, dejar de hablar español, ella no entiende.” I scold.  
“I am very sorry Brittany. I hardly speak English to anybody; I forget not everyone speaks Spanish. I apologise” Maribel say’s sincerely.  
“It’s okay Mrs Lopez.” Brittany smiles shyly  
“Well, I guess I’ll be going home alone then. Go and have a coffee or something with your friend Santana” She took out a bill from her pocket and gave it to me. “Don’t come home too late though.” She left us there and I was astonished by what had just happened.  
“Does she usually do that?”  
“Yeah. She refuses to speak English at home.” I sigh. Brittany just nods.  
“So do you want to do something?” She asked; the excitement in her voice almost too obvious.  
“What? Uh sure, yeah. Do you want to?” I asked with a hint of uncertainty. I’m not used to this kind of thing  
She smiled shyly. “Yeah, I’d like that too.”  
“Where should we go?” She asked  
“I don’t know, I thought maybe you wanted to choose.”  
“Ok.” She said and seemed to think for a moment. “Yeah, I know a great place.”  
She guided me out of the shopping centre and down the street. Squeezed in between to stores lay a little hole in the wall café. Hardly anyone even looked up as we came in. I looked around a bit, it was very cosy. It was full of artsy types, all reading or talking lowly at each other. It was very hipster-esqe. Brittany attracted my attention indicating that we were at the counter and I saw she had already ordered a milkshake. I ordered a short black, I love the bitter taste. After paying and collecting our drinks we went and sat down at a table in the corner.  
We had more or less already broken the ice and began to talk about anything and everything, mostly school in the beginning but then a little more personal. We found each other pretty fast. Once in a while we paused to drink a little and during one of those pauses I found myself staring out of the window, full of thoughts. I had one hand under my chin and the other arm on the table. Suddenly I felt Brittany put her hand on top of mine. I was woken out of my daydream and looked a bit puzzled at her, then on the hand and back to her again. She smiled an amazingly beautiful smile at my confusion.  
“I just wanted to thank you for what you did the other day. I feel like I haven’t apologised properly.”  
I shrugged my shoulders “It was no problem.”  
“Rachel told me what you had said to Quinn. I think she will think twice before she does that again.”  
“Yeah? Why?”  
“Do you seriously underestimate your popularity among everyone at school? If she did anything you don’t like they will most likely take your side. Quinn is a nasty bitch to everyone”  
“You think so?” I said a bit surprised. She looked into my chestnut brown eyes and smiled.  
“I know so.” She fidgeted with her straw and then looked at her watch then at me sadly.  
“I think I should go home now. I’m baby-sitting my little brother tonight.”  
“Can I walk you home?” I offered, chivalry is not dead.  
“Of course.” She said happily.  
We slowly walked towards her home and talked at the same time, her cheery demeanour and child like enthusiasm began to rub off on me and I felt like I had bounce in my step.. I offered to carry her bag and she happily accepted. We took a minor detour past my house so I could point it out to her. She marvelled at the size of it. I had to admit, it was a ridiculously large house for three people. After a while we were at her house and we went inside. It smelled of baking and something else I couldn’t quite place . A little girl who couldn’t be older than 4 years old came running and Brittany lifted her up and hugged her. I smiled at the scene.  
“Brittany is that you?” A female voice said from what I guessed was the kitchen.  
“Yeah mom.” Brittany replied  
“Can you look after Emily while I get ready?” the voice asked  
“In a sec, I’m just going to say goodbye to Santana.”  
“Santana? The Santana?”  
“Yes!” She answered a little irritated while blushing a little.  
A woman emerged from the kitchen; she was an elder clone of Brittany, I had to double take. She also had an apron and some flour dust in her face.  
“Nice to meet you Santana.” She said and took my hand.  
“Likewise” I said awkwardly as she shook my hand. I really dislike meeting people’s parents. I feel the scrutiny just rain down upon me.  
The little girl suddenly wriggled out of Santana’s arms and came to me and wanted up so I lifted her up.  
“Hola chica.” I smile at her  
“Hello?” She said as a question, unsure of what I had just said. She looked at me suspiciously then wiggled free. She went to her Mom and then turned to me.  
“Why do you have girl clothes when you’re a boy?” I blushed at this. Holy crap my secret was found out by a four year old. What the fuck? My mind went into over-drive. What the hell was I supposed to say to that? I don’t lie, I keep it real.  
“What? I… Uhhm.” I managed to get out but Brittany and their mom just laughed.  
“He gets ideas sometimes.” Brittany’s mom joked. “I’ll take her to the kitchen while you two talk.”  
They walked away and we were left alone in the hallway.  
“Strange, she usually doesn’t like new people.” She said but didn’t seem to put any importance to it. I was confused because it seemed to me like Emily didn’t like me at all. Brittany took my arm and pulled me out through the door. She closed it carefully and then turned back to me.  
“Thank you for the milkshake and stuff today. I had fun.” She had become shy all the sudden.  
“You’re welcome, I had just as fun as you.”  
She took a step towards me, reached and hugged me. Her hair felt nice against my cheek and I inhaled her smell, vanilla, at the same time my stomach tingled. But that was nothing to what it did the moment after. She ended the hug but kept her arms around my neck and I found myself looking into the most beautiful blue eyes I’d ever seen. Like a deep blue swimming hole that I just wanted to dive into and swim around in forever. My breathing suddenly got heavy and as we looked at each other I moved in slightly, on my way to kiss her but hesitated halfway. Instead she reached down the last little bit and our lips met in a light kiss. When we then broke off I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes for a while but just feel the after-effect of her lips. Soon I managed to open them and met her smiling face. We stood quiet for a while I held my lower lip between my teeth.  
“Um, I was, uh, kind of wondering something…” She said blushing as she looked at the ground.  
“What kind of something?” I whispered softly  
“Would you maybe like to go to a movie with me tomorrow?” it seemed as though Brittany was holding her breath waiting for an answer. I understood that she with that question also asked if I wanted to see her more seriously. The look on her face said everything, she was preparing for me to freak out and run away.  
“I’m sorry, I can’t… I’m going to my Abuela and Abuelo’s” I said softly. Trying to reassure her that it wasn’t because she had asked me on a date. She looked disappointed.  
“But I would love to go on Monday.” I added smiling at her. Her face instantly lit up.  
“I’d love that.”  
“Ok, I guess I’ll see you at school. Do you want my number?” I asked. She nodded enthusiastically; we switched phones to programme our numbers in.  
“I’ll text you or call you sometime.” She said.  
“Sure… bye.”  
“Bye.”  
I went to the gate and turned around to look at her again. We waved to each other and then I began my trek home. When thinking back I could have sworn I saw her mom in one of the windows with a big smile on her lips. It was strange. On the way home it was like I was in a dream. I was on autopilot. Walking up the stairs once I got home and flopping on my bed I was reminded about who I really was, or rather what. Girl/Boy. Boy/Girl. An It . I was disgusting. I convinced myself that once Brittany found out, she was going to… I have no idea. How does someone react to learning that about someone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Spanish meanings:  
> Do not drink much baby. Have a good night - No beba mucho bebé. Tener una buena noche   
> You have no right to do that. She did not deserve that. Fuck off back to hell spawn of Satan - Usted no tiene derecho a hacer eso. Ella no se merecía eso. Vete a la mierda de vuelta al infierno engendro de Satanás -  
> You’re Home Already? - "Estás en casa ya?”  
> Aren't you up yet? I thought you wanted to go shopping?" - ¿No eres tú para arriba todavía? Pensé que quería ir de compras? "  
> "Fine. Just get up will you?" - "Está bien. Sólo levántate ¿verdad?"  
> "I made waffles." - "He hecho gofres"  
> "There you go, I've been looking for you. Who's your friend?" - "Ahí lo tienes, he estado buscando. ¿Quién es tu amigo?"   
> Hello. How are you? It’s Nice to meet you - Hola. Es un placer conocerte. "  
> Mami, stop speaking Spanish, she doesn't understand. - Mami, dejar de hablar español, ella no entiende.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misunderstandings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spanish at the end :)

————-  
Chapter 2  
————-  
The weekend flew by quickly. Somehow I found myself at school sitting in English. The lesson went in one ear and out the other. I found my mind continuously drifting off to thoughts of Brittany and our date later on. I ended up not being able to concentrate at all and it resulted in two irritated teachers and one giving me detention. At lunch I sat with Blaine and Puck. Brittany sat with some of her friends at a table nearby and after a few seconds we caught each other’s eyes. She smiled shyly at me then returned to her conversation with that annoying dwarf.  
“Lopez, do you think she’s actually a lesbian?” Puck asked curiously, having seen our brief interaction  
“Uh….” I said uninterested.  
“Well, she hasn’t ever had a boyfriend that I’m aware of. But ya know, could just be Fabray slinging shit again.” Puck added.  
“Would it really matter if she was gay dude? I mean… Seriously?” Blaine questions. I didn’t have the energy to care about their ridiculous conversation so I just kept on eating. I spied Quinn sitting with the other Cheerios glaring at me. Seriously, if looks could kill. I smirk and get back to my food.  
When I went home for the day, after detention and a berating from one Sue Sylvester about having to miss Cheerios practice because of said detention, my steps were once again as automatic as the last time I went home. I was in my own little world. Mami was cooking dinner when I arrived and hurried upstairs to get ready. When I was done I went down stairs to the kitchen to grab something to eat.  
” Su teléfono ha sonado varias veces ahora!” Mami called irritated when I came into the kitchen  
“Fuck.” I said quietly as I grabbed my phone from the kitchen table and ran to my room. I checked who had called. It was the same number all three times and just when I was about to dial it the phone rang again.  
“Hola!” I answered eagerly.  
“Hi, it’s Britt.”  
“Hey!”  
“How are you?”  
“I’m good. How ‘bout you?” I said trying to be chill.  
“I’m good. You?”  
“Same here.” God why is this conversation so awkward. It’s never been awkward before. There was a few moments of silence.  
“So, where should we meet?” I mutter  
“I can come to you if you want?”  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yeah, I can pick you up in half an hour?”  
“Awesome, Um… I’ll catch you then.”  
“Bye!”  
As I walked back down to the kitchen I noticed Mami seemed very angry for some reason. I’m guessing Mami and Papi are fighting again. They always seemed to be at each other’s throats, ever since we moved from Puerto Rico. Papi sat at the table and read the newspaper; he looked pretty grim as well. She mumbled something I couldn’t hear when I came and sat down. For a moment I thought about leaving again and not eating at all but I had a feeling she would get mad at me. To get away from the tension I ate in a hurry and disappeared back into my room. I lay down on the bed and stared at the clock, waiting nervously for Brittany to arrive. Mami and Papi began arguing about something in the kitchen, I couldn’t hear about what about, all I heard was swear words being flung about.  
When it was twenty to seven the doorbell rang. I hurried there as fast as I could but Mami still beat me to it. She’s a freakin’ ninja. Obviously they had paused the argument. Mami’s demeanour changed as she opened the door. She didn’t show any signs of anger when she greeted Brittany but talked happily with her. I quickly moved forward and nudged Mami out of the way, trying to get away from the house as soon as possible. When we were out of eyeshot from my parents we hugged each other.  
We made some small talk on the way there but I might have been a little too quiet since I was contemplating when I should tell her about what I am. I concluded that the best thing by far would be to take her to the park after we had finished watching the movie. When we had paid for the tickets and entered I became a little more present again and that seemed to make her much happier. The commercials had already begun so we didn’t have all that much time to talk before the movie itself started. In the light from the big screen I could actually see Blaine’s familiar gelled head some rows in front of us, apparently here with some guy in a Dalton uniform.  
In the beginning I was pretty focused on the movie but then became more and more aware of the sweet fragrance that was coming from Brittany. It smelled like vanilla. My new favourite smell. I didn’t know if it was perfume or soap but it was a scent that tickled my senses. As time went by I felt it began to excite me, a small twitch between my legs made itself known. I sat there squirming for a while without really knowing what to do. My hands had a little problem with keeping still and pretty soon my left one had ended up on top of hers that was resting on the arm support. At first I caressed her a little on the back of the hand and when she turned her hand my fingers slowly entwined themselves with hers. She gave my hand a slight squeeze and then slowly brought it to her thigh. I gasped and felt a flash of heat run through my body. When I didn’t seem to have the guts to do anything she put her hand on top of mine and slowly brought it further up towards her crotch. She then released my hand and while I continued to caress back and forth on her thigh her own hand found its way over to mine and began doing the same thing. I started to panic when we were interrupted as the fire alarm in the building went off. Since no one could smell any smoke there was no panic as everyone preceded calmly to the emergency-exit and out of the theatre. As we made our way out of the theatre we could see a considerable amount of smoke emanating from within the lobby. Only two minutes later the fire department arrived and rushed in.  
We were approached by a giant wearing a movie theatre uniform. He smiled broadly at Brittany  
“Hey Britt!” The giant smiled  
“Hey Finn.” Brittany replied with a big smile. Finn looked at me suspiciously, obviously wondering as to why I was with Brittany.  
“Satan, fancy seeing you here.”  
“You too Shamu” I replied with contempt. Finn and I were not friends, nor will we ever be. He was the quarterback and though I should be all buddy, buddy with him he did something despicable to Blaine that could never be forgiven. Brittany looks at me funny. Finn ignores me and looks back at Brittany.  
“So, some idiot didn’t turn the popcorn maker off in time and it burst into flames. It was pretty funny”  
I rolled my eyes and walked away. I guess we won’t get to finish the movie. I managed to avoid Blaine and his friend; I didn’t feel like talking to him. Brittany approaches me and smiles shyly.  
“What’s with you and Finn?” she asks  
“It’s a long story that I don’t want to get into. Plus it’s not really my story to tell” I reply  
“Oh, Okay. Do you want to do something else?” She asked  
“Yeah, let’s go to the park.” Brittany smiled at me and we made our way down the street to the park It was practically empty there, except for a few other couples. We found a somewhat secluded bench where we sat down. It took a little while before either of us said anything.  
“There… there’s something I need to tell you…” I began after a while.  
“Yeah? What?” She eyed me apprehensively  
“Well, I don’t really know how to say it.” I mutter nervously  
“Umm… Maybe you could think about it while we’re heading home? Those guys over there are starting to make me nervous. They are eyeing us like they want to eat us for dinner.”  
“Uh, yeah sure.”  
Truth to be told, my courage decided to drain right out of me with that and she seemed to forget I wanted to say something. She was too busy checking over her shoulder to make sure that those guys weren’t following us. It wasn’t until we were a few houses from her place that she remembered I was going to say something.  
“I’m sorry about freaking out. It’s just I’m overly safety conscious. What was it you wanted to tell me by the way?”  
“Oh, it… it was nothing really.”  
She stopped and grabbed my wrist looking me dead in the eye. “Come on, tell me.” She said curiously.  
“Well, it’s just that… I’m beginning to like you… quite a lot.” I strangled out.  
It kind of was the truth, though it hadn’t been the truth I had really wanted to tell her. I wasn’t exactly lying. Brittany gave me a sweet smile that told me exactly what she felt. She reached up and kissed me, for a long time. When we broke apart I too couldn’t help but smile. She’s just so contagious  
“Do you want to come in for a bit?” She asked.  
“Uh, yeah sure.” I replied nervously. This girl makes me a nervous wreck. I don’t understand it.  
When we got back to the Pierce’s we realised nobody was home. Inwardly I groaned and cheered at the same time. So conflicting. On the kitchen table there was a note saying they were going to visit somebody and then go grocery shopping. We went up to her room and sat down on a small couch she had there, she turned on the TV. Brittany moaned a little as she stretched and massaged her knee.  
“Are you hurt?”  
“Yeah, it’s been killing me since I fell in dance class. My partner decided not to catch me and I just fell mid jump. It hurt for a few days but then it went over to being all stiff and strange.” I nodded, knowing the pains of both knee injuries and being dropped by your partner. Being a flyer for the Cheerio’s meant I fell a lot.  
“Give me your leg” I say without thinking  
She gave me a strange look but did as I said. Carefully I began massaging her knee; it was incredibly stiff, just as she had said. I increased the pressure little by little until I was kneading her long creamy thigh. I found a few knots that I massaged away. Brittany gasped and groaned every once in a while when I hit a sore spot.  
“Oh God, you have magic fingers.” She moaned  
“Your muscles are all ridiculously tense Britt-Britt” I replied. She smiled at me, a kind of smile I’ve never seen before on anybody.  
“Ha, you should feel how tense my back is.”  
“Well… I could massage your back too if you want but…” I started, but Britt cut me off  
“Oh, I don’t know… you shouldn’t have to…”  
“It’s cool. As long as you have some massage oil or tiger balm or something it’s no problem.” I replied shrugging. Internally I was beating myself up. Why the fuck am I putting myself in these compromising situations when she doesn’t know about me. This is going to go terribly wrong very quickly and I like Brittany. She’s so… Brittany. I hate myself right now

“That would be very nice…” Brittany’s voice broke through my internal berating.  
“The easiest would be if you lay down on the bed.” Idiota!  
She agreed. Before she went to the bed she got a small bottle of baby oil. She turned and gave me the small bottle and for some reason she blushed. After that she turned around and pulled her shirt over her head and still faced away she laid down on her stomach on the soft surface. I crawled onto the bed and straddled her thighs. Hoping like hell that my lower head didn’t decide to take over.  
“Umm… I-is it ok if I unbutton… back here?” I asked shyly  
She giggled. “Sure.”  
I unhooked the bra and when I had done that she raised her upper body a little and pulled it off completely. When she had made herself comfortable again I poured some oil on her back. It felt cold against her skin so she gasped and arched her back some. I began to spread it out at the same time as I began the massage with long strokes from the curve of her back up to her shoulders. After I had softened her up a bit I concentrated on some spots that were extra tense.  
“Mmmm… where did you learn to massage like that?”  
“My sister Catalina is a physical therapist at Lima Memorial. She’s a back specialist.”  
“That’s cool. How old is your sister?”  
“She’s 27. She’s pretty cool too. She moved here with her partner and son a few months ago. ”  
“So I’ll get to meet her?”  
“Maybe.” I said in a teasing tone  
After about fifteen minutes I thought it felt like her back was relaxed and softened. I sat up and stretched my own back that cracked ominously. At that moment she turned around below me. I was just about to jump off her when she grabbed my shoulders and pulled me down close to her. My lips pressed against hers and I could feel her beautiful and pretty small breasts though my shirt. She raised her head so that her mouth was right beside my ear.  
“Your massage made me so hot.” She whispered. My eyes comically widened. I imagine they looked like a cartoon’s eyes when they find out something disturbing. Oh fucking shit. I felt a twitch in my pants and started to think of everything from road kill to Finn Hudson’s sweaty man boobs.  
There was no doubt that I was aroused as well. Though, to be honest I had been ever since the movie. Her eyes met mine when she lowered her head again and both our eyes were blank and covetous. I bent down and kissed her passionately, lost in the moment we had. We kissed for a long time and not until I felt her hands tentatively caressing their way up under my shirt did I wake up from the dream again. I managed to break the kiss and jumped startled off the bed and away from her. My scared expression surprised her.  
“What’s wrong?” she panted with an odd look on her face. Her cheeks tinged red.  
“I-I’m sorry, forgive me, I… I can’t… please, I’m so sorry.” I stammered.  
I hurried out of her room and ran downstairs to the hallway. She had hurried down there too and caught me.  
“Wait Santana, what is it? What have I done?” Brittany called after me  
I stopped temporarily with a lump in my throat.  
“You haven’t done anything… I’ve got a problem that shouldn’t have to affect you, I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” After that I opened the door and released myself from her grip on my arm.  
“Can’t you tell me, please?” She called pleadingly.  
But I kept going. Her family that had just stopped on the driveway looked questioningly after me as I hurried way. I was furious with myself, I was yelling at myself internally. Why couldn’t I have just told her? Why did I have to be such a fucking coward? I had a good mind to just go all San Juan on myself! Things didn’t improve as I came home. Mom came out of the kitchen right way.  
“Tenemos que hablar.” She said gruffly and pulled me inside the door that she carefully closed behind us.  
“What did I do now?” I said exasperatedly  
” Besó a su novia. Su padre lo vio.” I stared distrustfully at her but she just nodded.  
” Santana, que es realmente molesto y enojado. Nunca lo he visto de esta manera. Creo que es mejor si usted va estar con Catalina y Javier por un tiempo. Ya he hablado con ella y está bien. No estoy seguro acerca de su Padre en este momento y no quiero que usted sea su alrededor..”  
(“Santana, he’s really upset and angry. I’ve never seen him this way. I think it’s best if you go stay with Catalina and Javier for a while. I’ve already talked to her and its fine. I’m just not sure about your Father at this moment and I don’t want you to be around it.”)  
“But… I don’t get it. What does he have to be angry about?”  
” No creo que él está loco de verdad, pero con miedo.”  
“Of me?” I ask incredulously  
“No es de exactamente. Es más bien que su hija es gay. Él es de una generación en la que está generalmente considerado como anormal. Dale tiempo y verás que va a entrar en razón.”  
(”Not of you exactly. It’s more that his daughter is gay. He’s from a generation where that’s generally considered to be abnormal. Give him some time and you’ll see he’ll come around.”)  
“Even if I happened to be gay that’s none of his damn business! My private life is my business and mine alone. And what the fuck Mami? Does it even make me gay if I like girls?! I HAVE A FUCKING PENIS.”  
I didn’t wait for a reply but wrenched open the door and proceeded to my room in an angry daze. The only thing I did before I went to my bed and fell asleep was call Catalina and told her I’d come after school the next day.  
—-  
During the breaks at school I looked for Brittany in the whole school but didn’t see her anywhere. I even went into the Choir-room. Mr Schuester was the only person there. That guy is so creepy, hanging around teenagers the way he does. He has a weird, un-natural relationship with Finn Hudson too. I only briefly caught a glimpse of her twice. But like magic she just disappeared before my eyes… Tuesday was usually a day I normally saw her quite often. I finished my school day by waiting outside the entrance she usually came out of but also that approach failed.  
Eventually I headed for the centre of the city to the town square where I was supposed to meet my sister. When I arrived I began to look around and saw her sitting on one of the benches by the fountain. Catalina rose as she spotted me when I came towards her. We hugged each other as we met, what I didn’t know was that Brittany had seen us, or rather she saw me hugging another girl. I gave Catalina a kiss on the cheek as thanks for being nice to me and letting me stay with her, though from the angle that Brittany saw us it looked like a quick kiss on the mouth. While my sister and I went to her apartment, Brittany remained behind believing it was because of that girl I had run away yesterday.  
When we got to Catalina and Javier’s apartment, Catalina went straight to the kitchen to make dinner. I dropped my bags off in the spare room and walked out into the lounge when a small person hurled themselves at me. Catching them I smiled and hugged him tight.  
“Hola Che!” I smiled brightly at him. My nephew was perhaps the cutest child ever to exist. At 3 years old Che was already a ladies man.  
“Hola Tia!” He smiled and cuddled into me as my stomach rumbled. I carried Che into the kitchen and sat down at the kitchen teaching Che paper, scissors rock.  
“Who is she?” Catalina asks with her back to me  
“She, who?”  
“The girl you kissed!”  
“Ewww Tia kissed a girl!” Che piped up  
“Oh… Um, no one special.” I reply half-heartedly  
“Of course she must’ve been. As I got it described to me it must have been pretty passionate.” Catalina turns and winks at me. My cheeks began to flush to a clear shade of red. Catalina laughed as she peered at me.  
“Brittany.” I said somewhat dreamily as my mind drifted off to her.  
She continued cooking in silence as Che and I continued to play. When Javier got home we all sat at the table and said grace. We didn’t talk very much as we ate. Some sort of awkwardness and fallen over the house. Even Che was quiet.  
For the rest of the evening I just sat staring blankly at the TV. Catalina tried to find out what was wrong but I couldn’t bear to tell her. So she bided her time and waited for the right moment to get it out of me. Somehow she knew the reason wasn’t that Papi had been so upset. That night I went to bed pretty early, I had to go to school and it took longer to get there from Catalina’s. She still had the twin bed that she had bought in her last relationship, one that only lasted two months. It now resided in the guestroom. I was so glad I didn’t have to sleep on the couch.  
When we were young she had discovered that she could get me to talk about almost anything when I was on the verge of sleeping, I could then divulge things that I’d never have told otherwise and most of the time I couldn’t even remember it afterwards. Sneaky bitch.  
“San” She used a low soft voice no to wake me up.  
“Mmmm…” I mumbled.  
“Why are you sad?”  
“Bwitt…” I muttered  
“What about her?”  
“Guy…”  
“Is Brittany a guy?”  
“No… Me…”  
“You’re not a guy.”  
“Yeah Tonka unicorn penis fire”  
My answers were not always complete, easy to understand or make sense so often she had to interpret what I said. She contemplated what I could’ve meant but she didn’t have much time if she was to finish her questioning before I really fell asleep and stopped talking.  
“Does she not know?”  
“No…”  
Suddenly she was beginning to comprehend what I was talking about.  
“Brittany doesn’t know you’re special…” She said more to herself than to me.  
“Not special, freak…” I answered.  
“Do you like her?”  
“Yes…”  
“Does she like you too?”  
“Yes…”  
“Why don’t you tell her?”  
“Tried…” I mumbled and turned around.  
“Has she been close to discovering it?”  
“Yeah…”  
“What happened?”  
This time I didn’t answer, I had fallen asleep. But still, she understood now why I was depressed.  
Che woke me up next morning by jumping on me; I was still horribly tired because I had slept badly. Che forced me up and Catalina saw to it that I got some breakfast before I departed. My steps were directed towards the right goal but not as fast as they should’ve been. All the thoughts were spinning in my head like a tornado.  
As I arrived to the school grounds I was already late for class. I went towards my locker but stopped as I went past the choir room. I saw Brittany standing there with some friends and a guy with his arm around her shoulders. If my memory didn’t deceive me his name was Archie or Artie or Abraham or something like that. They were standing a bit away so I couldn’t hear what they were talking about but suddenly they kissed right there in front of their friends that laughed heartily. Stunned I stood there watching them. When they broke the kiss Britt looked around and caught sight of me. I turned around and walked away, blew off my class and hurried out of the school. Brittany had told her friends that she’d be a little late for class and had come after me. I made no effort to run from her but on the other hand I didn’t slow down either.  
“Santana!” She called when she was beginning to catch up. “Santana! Stop, please!”  
At first I didn’t do as she wanted but kept on going back towards Catalina’s apartment. However Brittany caught up and grabbed my shoulder so I would stop. This time I did so but since I didn’t turn around she went around me instead.  
“What do you want?” I asked in a dispirited tone of voice.  
“Talk to you.” She answered with what almost sounded like concern.  
“About what?”  
“About you, me… us.”  
“Didn’t know there was an ‘us’.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Well, you didn’t exactly show that in there.” I snapped  
“You can hardly blame me for that, I if anyone should have doubts considering you ran out on me the other day.”  
“Don’t you think I regret that?”  
“I don’t know… I don’t know what to believe. Since you just took off without saying anything other than a sorry. Did you not want to cheat on your girlfriend or something? For all I know maybe you just made a bet with one of your buddies that you could get me in bed. Did you Quinn and Puckerman make a bet? It’s the type of thing the other two would do. Maybe you were bored and wanted to play a little with my feelings, what do I know. You just ran without saying shit!” Brittany just sounded more and more angry the longer she talked and it didn’t exactly improve my mood.  
“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Girlfriend? I’ve never ever had a girlfriend and by the looks of it you’re not about to become my first.” I snapped back at her  
“Yeah, right! Liar! When you kissed that girl yesterday I felt sorry for her. I can’t believe you can be so nonchalant about cheating on her.” Brittany growled, her eyes turning a dark shade of blue. At that moment I didn’t care much about what she was saying.  
“If you think so fucking little of me you might as well go back to your new boyfriend and make out some more. You seem to like that anyhow. Excuse me while I go home to my sister, who seems to be the only person who fucking wants me.” I said on the verge of tears.  
I pushed past her and ran the rest of the way back to Catalina’s. I didn’t understand at all what she had meant.  
Reflecting over everything that just happened. It hit me how offended I had been when she had mentioned having a girlfriend and accused me of being unfaithful. Who the fuck did she see me kiss yesterday? An ex? A fuck buddy? I hadn’t had either of those and I had been at my parents the day before yesterday. That meant it had to be Catalina. A violent wave of bad conscience rushed through me.  
Brittany had just assumed not considered that maybe it was someone from my family. Which, in a weird way was strange, I’m pretty sure we are the only Hispanic people in this entire State. But I digress. In a way I guess we were now even we had both let each other down. Me by running away, her by hooking up with that nerdy glee kid. The question was now if what we had going would be possible to repair or if it was a lost cause.  
As soon as I came inside the door I called in sick. One of my many talents was impersonations. Plus I’m pretty sure anybody with an accent could call up that school and pretend they were my mother. Racist school. I slumped down on the sofa and felt totally drained; I didn’t have energy for anything but thinking. Or rather I tried not to think either but it was rather pointless. Thoughts rushed through my head without me managing to make any sense of them. I had no idea how long I had been lying there but suddenly my phone rang, it was Catalina. At first I considered not answering it but after the third call, I answered. She’s such a persistent bitch.  
“Hola” I answered unenthusiastically.  
“Why are you home?” she just jumps straight in.  
“Because I don’t feel well.”  
“You didn’t seem sick when you left this morning”  
“It’s because I wasn’t this morning Catalina, what do you really want?” I was starting to grow impatient with her.  
“Does it have anything to do with Brittany?”  
“Why?”  
“She was here a little while ago and asked where I lived, she said you were there.”  
“She was there?” I asked surprised.  
“Yeah, she seemed very anxious to see you.”  
“Was it long ago?”  
“Twenty minutes maybe.”  
“Hmm…” I replied thoughtfully  
“Will you be ok alone until I come home?”  
“Yep”  
“Fine, see you later then.”  
“Ciao”  
I hung up and put the cell phone back in my pocket. Brittany had been and talked with Catalina at work? Why? I didn’t get a chance to wonder anymore because the doorbell rang. I already knew who it was.  
“San, are you there?” Britt called through the mail slot. I didn’t answer; I really didn’t want to talk to her.  
“Come on, I know you’re there! Please open.”  
Slowly I rose from the couch and entered the hall. She was still holding the slot open as I came out there, she could probably see my feet. I didn’t open but stood there in the middle of the hallway.  
“Can’t we talk?” She asked.  
“Didn’t we just do that a little while ago?”  
“Things came out so wrong, I thought that you…”  
“Just go, please! I-I can’t do this right now.”  
I went into the bedroom, closed the door and lay down on the bed. Somehow I felt so incredibly betrayed, I wasn’t sure why. In reality it had been me that let her down.  
“I understand!” I heard her say and then a smack as the slot closed.  
Suddenly I just felt so horribly miserable, I began to cry and the tears flooded uninhibited down on the pillow. I had really hoped there would’ve been something between us but now the possibility that it would be a ‘we’ seemed unlikely. I couldn’t for my life understand why she had said those things earlier. But it no longer felt important. I didn’t want to care anymore. Even though I wasn’t particularly tired I cried myself to sleep.  
“Sanny, wake up.” Catalina said in a low voice at the same time she shook me gently. “Wake up you lazy shit!”  
“Mmmm… what is it?” I mumbled.  
“Should you really sleep this early? You’ll need to sleep tonight as well.”  
“I know.”  
“How long have you been sleeping?”  
“Don’t care”  
“Come on, get up. Let’s make some dinner. Javier and Che will be home soon.”  
I managed to heave my legs over the edge and sit up. If it was my choice I would be lying there for the rest of the evening and night. Catalina looked at me with a smile.  
“You’ve got a letter from Brittany by the way.” She said and handed me a piece of A4-paper torn from a note book. “I’ll get started with the food.”  
Sighing I opened it and read.

Santana,  
I am so sorry for what’s happened over the last couple of days. There have been far too many misunderstandings. Even if we both have had a part in it, I’m afraid I might’ve hurt you the worst. I wish there was a way I could take it all back and make it better. But sadly that’s impossible. However I wish we could get together and talk. I understand if you would choose not to do it but still I hope with all my heart that you will. When I heard you cry earlier it cut through me like a knife, I hated myself for causing you so much pain. You are such a unicorn and you don’t deserve to be in that much pain. Please, come and talk to me. I’m home alone tonight if you would want to.  
Brittany

I read it over and over again, several times. Her childish scrawl pulled at my heartstrings. I didn’t really know what I wanted to do. I had so many conflicting emotions. One part of me wanted to run to her right away and throw myself at her, hold her and never let her go. But, the other part of me just wanted to forget her altogether. Eventually I decided, I have to at least hear what she has to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spanish:  
> Your phone has rung several times now! - Su teléfono ha sonado varias veces ahora!   
> We need to talk - Tenemos que hablar  
> Kissed your girlfriend. Your father saw it. - Besó a su novia. Su padre lo vio.  
> I don't think he's mad really, but scared - No creo que él está loco de verdad, pero con miedo


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Revelations and Assault

————-  
Chapter 3  
————-  
When I entered the kitchen Catalina was cutting up some chicken, she looked up and smiled at me.  
“I’m going out for a while after dinner.” I said and tried to sound as casual as possible. Trying to make it sound like I was going to hang out with Blaine or Puck.  
“It’s ok; I can drive you to her. I’m going to see Mami and Papi to pick up some more of your clothes.” I looked up at her surprised. How the fuck did she knows?  
“Did you read my fucking letter? My PRIVATE letter?” She nodded.  
“I’m just looking out for you Santana. I’m worried about you. You can talk to me, you know that right? I’m not going to judge you.” She defended  
“Maybe another time.” I sighed loudly  
“Okay.” Catalina gave me a small smile and went back to cutting up the chicken.  
Catalina dropped me off after dinner. Che was upset that I wasn’t going to be there to read him a story for bed time. As I got out of the car in front of Brittany’s house she said she’d come and get me in two hours and if I’d like to go earlier from there I could call and she’d come and get me. As she left to go to our parents, I slowly walked up the small set of steps to the front door. It literally felt like I was walking the green mile. I knocked gently. Apparently she was waiting for me because she opened it almost right away. She looked happy and relieved.  
“C-come in!” she gave me a nervous smile as she realised she stuttered.  
She moved aside so I could go past her and into the house and then closed the door. Walking through the house she guided me up towards her room. I heard the TV was on somewhere but I couldn’t hear if anyone else was there, I assumed she had been the one watching. She sat down on the bed while I remained standing awkwardly. I didn’t really know what to say, this was a situation I’d never been in before. The awkward tension could be cut with a knife. I stood there fidgeting with my hands looking everywhere except at her.  
I hadn’t taken in Brittany’s room the last time I was here. It was very pink and childlike. There were pictures of her, Rachel Berry and a few other kids that I didn’t know the name of plastered all over one wall. Like some sort of shrine to friendship. It kind of reminded me of the painting Luna did of her friends in Harry Potter. On her small sofa, there was a collection of unicorns. Not just a few, a lot. The room felt somewhat magical.  
“I’m sorry for what’s happened. It was never my intention to hurt you like I did… Don’t really know what to say to explain it.” She began. “But I guess I got jealous or something and wanted to make you jealous too by kissing Artie. I didn’t know you saw it of course but I was sure the word would get around. I thought we had something and suddenly you just ran off without telling me why and then I saw you with another girl that turned out to be your sister… It became… Everything became so wrong, horribly wrong.” She looked so upset and devastated. Everything was seriously, seriously wrong. Ugh. I’m not good at this shit.  
“It’s my fault too. I understand your reaction to why I disappeared like I did. But I had my reason for it. You shouldn’t think it’s your fault because it really isn’t, but in a way it involves you… and everyone else around me. The worst thing is that not many will understand, maybe not even you.” I couldn’t look at her in the eye. If this was to come out I should get the balls and do it now before it’s too late. Or is it already too late? Fuck my life.  
“Well, I-I don’t understand… A-are you ill? Seriously?” She asked. I looked up and could see the concern written all over her face.  
I smiled at her and slowly shook my head. “Well, I guess it depends on who you ask. I’m not dying if that makes it easier. Mind you, at least if I was it would be so much easier to explain.”  
“But I can’t see anything wrong with you.”  
“Not everything can be seen.” I reply simply. God, this is going to happen. Fuck my life. Fuck my life. Fuck my life. She’s going to hate me.  
“Please, please! Can’t you tell me? I want to understand what’s keeping us from being together. Please, Santana!” She rose up and came over to me. I looked down on my feet to avoid her gaze. I realized that I wouldn’t be able to avoid it any longer. She needed to know, otherwise we can’t be together and I’ll be forever alone. How do I even start? Was there even a mild way to tell someone about a thing like this? So I just dived in.  
“There’s not really any way to sugar-coat this. There’s nothing I can do to change anything. I was born this way. It’s always been so difficult. I’ve never had to deal with it before now. I could always ignore it but then I got to high school and I got other priorities and interests that I’d never had before, not to mention that the possibility to meet someone increased… Someone like you for instance… and it became harder to hide. But I’ve managed to do it so well until now.”  
Brittany had a very puzzled and thoughtful look on her face. “I’m… not really sure what you’re trying to tell me…”  
“I can understand that. Do you think I could ask you for a favour?”  
“Yeah… sure… I guess…” she replied. Confusion still etched over her face.  
“Even if what you’re about to find out makes you upset in some way, do you think we could keep it between us? I’m sure everyone else will find out eventually but do you think you could do me that?”  
She nodded, although hesitantly. I could see that she looked very bothered and definitely didn’t like that I dragged it out. “If you do me the favour of telling me I promise it will stay between us.” She added.  
“Ok, that’s no more than fair. So umm… How do you think I look? Really? Strange question maybe, but answer anyway please.”  
“Well… good, beautiful… You look like you always do.” Brittany replied  
“So you’ve never thought that maybe I really should’ve had a completely different appearance?”  
She shook her head and raised her eyebrow at me.  
“I probably shouldn’t be wearing this uniform. And I probably shouldn’t be wearing all this make up. I probably shouldn’t have this long hair either. I’m special. I have a rare chromosomal condition which caused me to be born with a penis. There are only a few reported cases around the world.”  
And the cat was out of the bag. In the same moment she actually understood what I meant I could see her eyes widening a little; her pupils narrowing considerably, her breathing somewhat forced and she became rigid as a statue. I expected her to explode or something, or that she’d at least ask me to leave. But none of that happened. She looked me up and down several times but then shook her head.  
“No, how does that work, you’re a girl. You look like a girl. You’re joking with me or something, right?”  
“I guess it works in the same way a guys does? Do I look more like a girl than the real deal or something?”  
“Well, no but… you… look, you know… normal.”  
“Yeah, well, I’m not normal am I?”  
“But you have boobs!” She said and made a gesture over her bust.  
“I’m still a girl!”  
“But, you’ve… I would have felt it…” She said and made another gesture, but towards my crotch area.  
I shook my head. “It’s amazing what you can do with a bit of tucking”  
She still looked unconvinced so I turned around lifted my skirt slightly and put my hand up and did a bit of rearranging, when I turned around her face turned to utter shock. My bulge now clearly visible. She just gaped, totally speechless. Her surprised look switched after a while to something else. I couldn’t for certain determine what it was. It seemed somehow to be a kind of restrictive curiosity. Kind of like, if one were to make a macabre comparison, when Victor Frankenstein saw his creation move for the first time. Slowly she came up to me, felt carefully over the bare skin on my arm. She caressed the soft hairs I had on my arm, seemed to really feel if I was telling the truth or not. Her eyes focused on my face and studied it thoroughly.  
“I just don’t know…” she finally said uncertainly  
I snorted. “How solid proof do you need? Is my word not good enough. Is the giant bulge in my pants not enough proof?”  
“Yes, but you’ve got to understand me too. This is so unexpected!” she said exasperatedly. I sigh.  
“I understand. I’m astonished that you haven’t run off screaming yet.”  
She laughed. “Why would I do that?”  
“I can think of several reasons, but I’m glad you didn’t.”  
We stood watching each other for a while without talking. It wasn’t an awkward silence; rather we tried to sense each other somehow.  
“Maybe I should go back to Catalina’s” I said after a while, starting to feel a bit awkward. She didn’t say anything at first but when I turned around to go to the door she grabbed a hold of my hand.  
“Do you have to go?”  
“N-no, not for another while but…”  
“Can’t you just stay for a little while? I was watching Finding Nemo downstairs; do you want to watch with me?”  
“Sure.” I gave a half shrug and small smile.  
She smiled back at me, the same lovely smile I got at the cafe a few days earlier. We sat there more or less in silence for a good while before I heard my sister honk outside; I looked at the time and saw that it had been a bit over two hours. I got to the door and opened it. Just as I was about to go outside she stopped me.  
“What’s going to happen with us?” She asked.  
“I don’t know… I guess it’s up to you?”  
“I don’t know either. In a way I feel like I have to get to know you all over again. It’s kind of like you are a different person, even though you aren’t. It’s confusing for me. It’s kind of weird, on some level it feels like I somewhat actually suspected something was off… But the fact that you’ve got a p-p-penis makes things so much more complicated, I don’t even know if I want or can do this. I’ve made peace with the fact that I’m gay. And here you are telling me you are part guy… But you’re special somehow… You’re a unicorn… I’m so confused!” She says honestly  
“So do you want to hang out again?” I wondered moderately hopeful.  
She smiled. “Let’s start over from square one… more or less anyway. How about us going to Rachel’s party together and see what happens?”  
“Berry’s having a party?” I look at her surprised  
“Yes, ya know, despite her unpopularity Rachel is kind of cool. And she does hold awesome parties”  
“I have to publicly break up with Blaine.” I blurted out  
“Wait, what?” She looks at me confused  
“Did you not know I was dating Blaine?”  
“What?”  
“We decided to fake date each other. Finnocence Shamu Hudson kept picking on Blaine about being gay. And, okay, so Blaine is super gay but Finn was stooping to disgusting levels with Blaine. He wasn’t ready to come out of the closet and Finn was going to throw him out, even worse than what Quinn did to you. So we figured for his best interest he should fake date me. I’m his beard, fag hag. Whatever you want to call it.”  
“Oh, that’s nice of you.” She replied awkwardly  
“Yeah, I can be nice. So, do you still want to hang out?”  
“Yeah, let’s meet at the park at around 7 tomorrow?”  
“Sounds cool” I reply nonchalantly.  
She put her arms around my waist and gave me a long hug. My hands carefully put themselves around her neck. Before she let go she looked me in the eyes.  
“Even if it wouldn’t work out between us we could still be very good friends…”  
I nodded a little sadly, those famous words… Brittany noticed and moved closely to my ear.  
“We’ll sleep on it, see what happens tomorrow. Don’t give up hope just yet.” She whispered.  
She gave me a kiss on the cheek and then smiled. We didn’t say anything else and I opened the door and went out to Catalina, who to my surprise had waited patiently. As we were driving back to her house in silence I looked over to her, I could read her face. I could tell she was dying to ask what happened, but wanted to give me the space to do it when I felt comfortable. When we got home, I started to tell her a little bit about how I was feeling about myself and my relationship with Brittany. I couldn’t understand how she could be so understanding. If Mami and Papi had got to know the whole story about how I felt, they’d have gone mental. Catalina hugged me for a while, and then I went to bed. My head full of so many different things.  
—-  
The next morning I woke very early, a full hour before I was supposed to. What was worse, I was wide awake. I couldn’t stop thinking about Brittany. My body filled with an indescribable happiness. But first I’d have to wait for over twelve hours and that made me feel extremely frustrated. To pass the time until I had to go to school I sat down and watched cartoons with Che.  
About an hour later Catalina zombie walked into the lounge and was a bit surprised to find me with Che, curled up watching cartoons. Yawning, Che and I got up and made our way to the kitchen for breakfast. We ate in silence before Catalina disappeared for work and Che went to pre-school. I remained at home for a little while before I went to school. About halfway there I saw a group of guys standing on the other side of the street, I recognized one of them as the guy that Brittany kissed the other day. When he caught sight of me an evil smirk spread across his face. He had just begun to walk when one of the other guys stopped him, told him something that made him look around and made his eyes stick to something behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw it was a cop. For the first time in a long while I got really scared for my physical safety. I decided to pick up my pace to get to school. Fortunately the guys didn’t follow but I didn’t slow down until I was inside the school and sat down to breathe at the nearest bench. Blaine came and sat down beside me.  
“San, are you okay? You look like you ran here.” He said in a caring voice  
“Almost” I panted.  
“Why? It’s not like you were running late.”  
“I know, but some guys seemed really eager for a chat with me. The only thing that seemed to stop them was a police car that happened to patrol there at that moment.”  
“That’s strange. Are you sure they wanted to chat with you?”  
“I’m one hundred percent convinced.”  
“Do you know what they wanted to talk about?”  
“No idea, but I’m not sure I want to find out.”  
“Did you know any of them?”  
“Yeah, Artie.”  
“What? You mean Artie Abrams?”  
“That’s the one! I always forget his last name”  
“Damn! That sucks. I’ve never had a nerd wanting to talk to me.”  
“I kind of wish I knew what I had done.”  
“So, Artie must be pissed with you.”  
In reality I had a pretty good idea about the reason. Brittany. It feels as though I should back away from her. It seems trouble follows us. I wish I knew what he wanted, but the impression I got wasn’t exactly to my advantage. I just didn’t know what to do about it; I couldn’t really go to Brittany with it. The best thing would probably be to avoid him until the rumour spread what he wanted with me.  
“Yeah, maybe…” I said absentmindedly.  
We didn’t talk more about it and after a while the time had reached 8.45 and it was time to go to the assembly room. It took over an hour before the principal had finished his speech and the orchestra had done their part. For some reason the juniors and the seniors were told to go home. My class dispersed quickly after we had chatted for a little while. We were going to meet later that evening anyway so we didn’t linger. Everyone wanted to get home to get ready for the party. As I went home I constantly looked over my shoulder, worried that the gang would be following me or that they’d jump out from behind a corner somewhere. Paranoid is my new middle name. You heard me. Santana Paranoid Rosa Lopez. Fortunately for me they didn’t and I got home to the apartment without any incidents. I was pretty worked up though and stood leaning on the door for several minutes before I had calmed down and my heart beat at a normal pace again. Despite that I was tense as a fiddle string I felt a longing for a nice long bath. I went into the bathroom and turned the water on in the tub, adjusting the temperature before putting the plug in, as opposed to when showering I liked to bathe hot. While it began filling up I took off my clothes, threw them in a pile on the floor, Thoughts got the opportunity to make themselves known and I started to contemplate how my life really was. How had it been up until just recently? What efforts I had put into hiding my true self and neglected myself, my body.  
I moved over to the bath and I put my hand in the water, it maybe a slightly too warm but I didn’t care so I climbed in and slowly lowered myself into the hot water. It felt incredibly good to be engulfed by the soft liquid. It felt like I could only now relax, not having to pretend anymore. Trying to clear my thoughts didn’t even work when lying in there, the thought of me and Brittany in bed together drifted into my head. The thought was exciting to say the least. I’m not sure how long I lay there fantasising about it but eventually it couldn’t take it anymore. Was so hard it was almost painful. I grabbed the towel next to the bath I pulled the plug out the same time as I stood up and began to dry myself off. Soon I was out of the tub and hesitated for a few seconds where I should go.  
I decided my bedroom was probably the best place. I slumped down on my bed. My arousal had not decreased, on the contrary. Just the thought of Brittany made my length increase. Slowly I began massaging my breasts; I wanted to drag it out a little while. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to, but I was going to try. I pinched a little on the nipple and a jolt went through my body and I couldn’t help but to grunt. They had been pretty hard before but now stiffened even more. I massaged my nipples between the thumbs and the index fingers on the same time as I massaged my full breasts. Pretty fast I began to run my hands down towards the crotch. When my hands traced over my stomach, particularly the area around my bellybutton which was my most sensitive spot, I closed my eyes because of pure pleasure. I let my fingers caress lightly around the area for a while before I let them slowly continue down over my shaft. My fingers made their way down my shaft and my body jerked as I brushed my head delicately. I didn’t have time for fantasies because now I knew it would go way too fast to take time for that. I held my member and began to pump my fist up and down slowly and in just a few seconds the buzz in my stomach increased violently and with a jolt that ran through my whole body the orgasm unleashed. A wave of pleasure spread inside me as my back arched upwards because of the spasms that shot through me and a long drawn-out guttural moan of sexual satisfaction came from somewhere deep down in my throat as I came. At that moment my life felt really pleasant. It felt like it might just sort itself out after all. Suddenly I heard a sound, as if someone was stacking plates in the kitchen. I got a little scared because as far as I knew Catalina or Javier didn’t get of work this early. Quickly I jumped out of bed, grabbed for a shirt and a pair of boxers that I threw on. After that I tiptoed out of the room and to the kitchen. I peeked in and saw Javier doing the dishes. He saw me and smiled  
“Hola San” He said cheerily. That’s the thing with Javier, he’s always happy.  
“What are you doing home?”  
“I live here, thank you very much. Nice to see you too.” When he said that he halted. And closed his eyes in an awkwardly embarrassed way. Realisation dawned upon me. Literally hit me like a ton of fucking bricks. He had seen what I was doing. I had left the door semi open and he had gone right past it to get to the kitchen. Fuck. Shit. Balls. Cocksucker. How embarrassing.  
“Yes I know, but this early?” I said trying to pretend like nothing had happened.  
“My clients cancelled. So, I thought I’d come home and keep you company. We haven’t really hung out since you’ve been here.”  
“Yeah, kind of sucks. Been missing my big brother.” I smiled cheekily at him even though I felt so horribly embarrassed that he had seen me. Seen me do something I almost never do, or at least didn’t do very often before I met Brittany. He seemed to be handling it well though. I went back to the bathroom and tidied myself up a bit. It was still a while until Rachel’s party. At least with Javier here I had someone to keep me entertained.  
“Do you need a ride to whoever’s party you are going to?” Javier asked as I walked into the lounge  
“Yeah, that’d be good Jav”  
-  
Javier had let me out a bit away from the park so I walked the last bit and sat on a swing as I waited for Brittany. I was a little early. Quinn walked past with Sam Evans. She grinned at me, I didn’t know why and it wasn’t really a pleasant grin either. Several times I thought I saw Brittany come but every time it was another girl. Twenty minutes later she had still failed to show. But I thought I’d make my way to Rachel’s, just in case we had somehow misunderstood each other. The party was in full swing, the make shift dance floor already buzzing. I would never find her in there even if I tried. I turned around to walk out when a fist came at me, I didn’t have much time to react but managed to get my left arm up that took the blow. It hurt like fucking hell but I hardly had a moment to think before the same fist came at me again. What. The. Mother. Fuck . The fist connected with my cheek and I lost my balance and fell backwards. Artie stood there looking down at me.  
“You should stay the fuck away from other peoples girlfriends, you got that you little whore!”  
“What the hell are you talking about? Why the fuck did you hit me? Did your mother not teach you not to hit a fucking girl?”  
“You know damn well what I’m talking about! Stay the fuck away from Brittany. She’s my girlfriend, not yours. If you ever go near her again, I’ll break your fucking legs.” He then spat on me.  
People started to gather round, I saw Blaine and Puck move to the front of the group ready to attack Artie. I loves my boys.  
“Why the fuck should I listen to you?”  
“You don’t need to listen to what I say. Listen to Brittany; she says she doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore. Not since your little revelation.”  
I froze. What the? Had Brittany told him? She wouldn’t of, would she? I trusted her whole heartedly. This didn’t make sense at all.  
“You’re lying!” I spat  
“Oh no I’m not. She simply didn’t appreciate that you lied about the fact that you aren’t really a girl. You aren’t really a girl are you Lopez? Tell everybody about what you are. I’m sure they are dying to know!”  
“FUCK OFF ABRAMS” I lunged at him, making him fall backwards onto a table. I threw punch after punch. I felt arms wrap around me and I knew it was Blaine. I could smell his hair gel. He managed to pull me off Artie. Artie wiped his lip and smiled at me.  
“Hey Satan, I bet you mines bigger than yours!”  
I literally turned into the Hulk and broke free from Blaine, I lunged at Artie again but this time was caught by Puck. His strong arms held me in place. Artie smiled again.  
“So obviously you won’t tell the good people about yourself. So, shall I?” He got up off the table and stalked towards me, his smile getting more evil the closer he approached. I swallowed a lump in my throat, tears starting to pour down my face. At this point I just wanted to get the fuck out of here.  
“The beautifully deceptive Lopez isn’t a real girl. Apparently, Miss Lopez here has a cock.”  
A collective gasp was heard among those that listened and an audible mumbling rippled through the room. Puck gasped in my ear. I felt so ashamed. To my surprise though, his strong hold on me turned into more of a hug than a restraint. Never in my entire life had I been that pissed off. Or furious was probably more accurate. Artie stood there still with a disgusting satisfied smile all over his face. Tears just poured down my face as Puck continued to hold me in a brotherly way. Artie took joy in my tears and began to laugh manically. Out of nowhere a fist connected with his face and he fell to the ground. Blaine. Blaine quickly jumped on top of Artie and literally beat the shit out of him. Finn Hudson and Mike Chang managed to pull Blaine off of him, but Blaine broke free of their hold and began kicking Artie in the abdomen. Dave Karofsky came and helped the other two and they were able to drag Blaine back. Artie lay on the floor moaning, the blood dripping from his nose, that was now to one side of his face and he had a gash under his eye. He had thrown up a bit because of the beating of his midriff. Suddenly he wasn’t very cocky anymore. Everybody stared in silence at the scene. Even Rachel Berry was quiet for once.  
Now that my adrenaline rush began to ebb away I suddenly began to feel the intense pain in one of the arms Puck was still holding. I began to scream and I nearly passed out. He quickly released me when he realised something was wrong, I stumbled and hit the wall back first and sank down to the floor, clutching my arm. Sirens approached and stopped outside, someone had called the police about the fight. I was disoriented because of the pain and only got fragments of what happened. They called an ambulance for Artie and I got a lift with Blaine in one of the two police cars. People probably thought Blaine and I would be going to jail. I suppose if I had just witnessed what I had I’d think the same. A nurse took care of me when we got to the hospital; one of the policemen that arrived with me went with Blaine while the other stayed with me. As if I was going to run. The kind nurse patched me up, stitching up the wound under my eye. I didn’t even realise I had a cut under it. A doctor came and examined the arm and concluded that nothing was broken, just a pretty bad sprain. They put a bandage on to keep the swelling down and said I had to keep it on for two days, I also had to keep it as still as possible for at least two weeks so he got the nurse to fix me support for the arm. Blaine came into my room shortly after the nurse had finished with the sling and smiled at me. He had his hand in a cast. I felt so bad. He smiled awkwardly at me, as if he didn’t know what to say. The fact he did what he did, and he came in the room made me believe everything would be okay with us. Catalina burst through the door fifteen minutes later, tears flowing freely down her face.  
“Are you ok? What’s happened? I got a call from your nurse, Eva, she said you were hurt.”  
“You know her?” I said in an attempt to avoid the question.  
“Yes, we usually eat lunch together. Is it true you and Blaine were in a fight?”  
I squirmed uncomfortably; Blaine suddenly took an unnatural interest in the window. I knew there was no use in lying. “Yes…”  
“Why? How?”  
I explained as best I could what had happened. She listened to my full story without interrupting, a trait she had probably inherited from Abuela. There were not really any emotions visible that could tell me what she really thought but she didn’t seem angry at me at least. She didn’t comment on what I had said but seemed to accept the explanation. We sat there in silence waiting for the cops that had stayed at the party to come back with witness statements. Although after a while she broke it.  
“Brittany called you know. She left a message on the machine.”  
“Yeah…?” I said uninterested.  
“She wanted you to call her. Apparently she had become sick so she couldn’t make it to Rachel’s.”  
“Of course she couldn’t…” Blaine muttered under his breathe. I looked up at him. It was the first thing he had said since entering the room.  
“What do you mean?” Catalina raised an eyebrow as she questioned him  
“Well from what was said, she orchestrated this whole mess” He said simply and went back to looking out the window.  
“Why did she leave a message on the home phone instead of calling me or texting me?” I wondered out loud  
“What’s with you? She said she had erased your number by mistake… She sounded really sorry.”  
Despite everything I didn’t feel anything other than anger towards Brittany. The more I thought about what Catalina had just said the more it grew. If she had just blown me off I could understand. Especially after what she had learnt yesterday, but to go and tell everything to Artie and then say that he should tell everyone else too. Words just, couldn’t express what I was feeling.  
At that moment the other policemen came to talk and I forced myself to put my anger aside for a little while. They greeted Catalina and then turned to me and asked to hear my version. I recalled everything. Then Blaine did the same.  
“Well, they sound fairly consistent.” One of them said after listening to mine and Blaine’s story. 

“He admits that he started the fight even though he in his own way doesn’t think it’s unprovoked. But since you both gave him a good pummel he had the opportunity to press charges. He declined provided Santana didn’t either.” He looked at me and continued “It’s up to you if you want to.”  
He left it open for me to answer. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. On one hand I had a good mind to just make his life a bitch but knew it wouldn’t help to press charges, nothing would happen anyway since we had probably both caused an equal amount of damage to each other. But at the same time it wouldn’t help me. I didn’t want anything else to do with Brittany and this shit anyway.  
“No… I don’t. I don’t want anything to do with him again.”  
“What the hell Santana!” Blaine growled. I just looked at him to shut him up  
“Well, we can’t guarantee that but if that’s how you want it.” The policeman stated  
“Yeah”  
“Ok. Should you change your mind come to the station.”  
“Sure, Okay…”  
“Mr. Anderson, you are one lucky son of a gun too. No charges are being placed against you.” Blaine sighed loudly in relief.  
The Police then bade goodbye and left.  
We came home at about eleven after dropping Blaine off at home. I was horribly tired but on the same time I felt I was going to have a hard time going to sleep, as seemed customary as of late my head was filled to the brim with thoughts. I went directly to the bathroom to get ready for bed. I took the toothbrush and put it in my crippled hand, and put on some toothpaste with my good hand then brushed. It was a weird feeling brushing with my right hand. As I looked at myself in the mirror as I brushed multiple bad thoughts consumed my mind. When I was finished brushing I slumped down on the toilet, the porcelain lid was cold and hard. How could all this happen? How could Brittany be so evil? I mean, I’m the one they call Satan for fucks sake and I wouldn’t do this kind of thing. I thought about everything that had happened before I told her. It hadn’t been easy but the more I thought about it the more certain I was that I loved her. As soon as I really realized that the tears came flowing over me with full force, I began to cry. I tried to keep the sobs down so Catalina or Javier wouldn’t hear but Catalina did anyway.  
“San? Are you ok?”  
I couldn’t answer because I was so overwhelmed and I wanted her to go away. But she pushed the door open and hurried over to me.  
” Oh, mi hermosa hermana. ¿Qué pasa??”  
Even if I wanted to I couldn’t get any words out, I just began to sob even more. Catalina squatted down beside me and brought me into a hug. I pressed myself hard into her shoulder. We remained like that for a long time. It took forever for me to calm myself down to a point where I could possibly talk.  
“Has this got something to do with Brittany?”  
I just nodded. She didn’t ask any more but walked me to the bedroom and helped me to bed, I had some trouble with the clothes but she aided me. As she sat down on the bedside beside me she looked lovingly at me and sighed.  
“I can’t understand what you’re going through or what’s really going on but I hope you won’t hesitate for a second to come to me if you need it.”  
I nodded and reached up and hugged her tightly. She then rose and walked out of the room, turned out the light and closed the door. I was lying there thinking for a long time but eventually fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quinn.

\---------  
Chapter 4  
\---------

After a moment I woke up again, at least that was how it felt. It took a while before I realized where I was. The time on the nightstand showed that it was 8.33. I tried to go back to sleep but soon realized that it was no use. Everything that had happened yesterday decided to consume my mind and the urge of needing to run away became more prevalent. My thoughts suddenly landed on Abuela. It has literally been years since I stayed with them for more than a day. I searched my bag and found a t-shirt that I managed to get on me with a little help from my still bandaged arm. It hurt but I suppressed the pain. I knew that Abuela had already been up at least two hours so I dialled the number. There were two rings before she answered.  
"Hola Catalina!" She answered happily. Hm, oh yeah caller I.D  
"Hola Abuela." I said.  
"Santana? Hola Santana! How are you?"  
I hesitated a moment. "Can I come stay with you for a while? Just sleep over for a few nights..."  
"What? Yeah, of course but... Has something happened? Why are you calling from Catalina’s this early in the morning?"  
“It's a long story..."  
"I've got time..." She said in that way that told me it was no use to try and get around it.  
"Ok..." I began. "Guess I should start with how I ended up here then. Do you remember when I was visiting last time and we had a little talk?"  
"Yes, certainly. I'm not senile yet..."  
"I talked to you about Brittany and a lot has happened since then. The day after I saw you last we kissed when we said goodbye. She and I had been to the movies that day and when I came home it turned out that Papi had seen us kissing and Mami said he was so mad I had to go here and stay with Catalina. I've been here since then and I actually haven't heard from either of them since." It was something I hadn't actually realized until then. God that pisses me off. Now I’m angry about that. Fuck.  
"And if that wasn't enough me and Brittany have had a falling out. After we had been to the movies we went home to her and she had a stiff back and knee so I gave her a massage and... And we began kissing again. But we didn't get much farther than that, but we would have if I hadn't panicked. She didn't know that I... I’ve got a penis. Anyway, I ran away from there... So after that everything has gone wrong. But, a few days later, I saw her in the common room at school kissing a guy. I'm not sure why but I ran from school to get home here again when she caught up with me. We had a fight about something I can't remember. Then Catalina called and said Brittany had looked her up in the hospital and got the address here. She came by and wanted to talk but I didn't so she left a letter that Catalina found when she came home. It said she wanted to meet and talk. So I went around to see her and we both apologized. I told her I had a penis and she didn't seem to take it as bad as I had feared, quite the opposite. But there was a party yesterday and we had decided to meet there, to see how we really should do with our relationship. But she didn't show so I went inside to see if she was already there. Almost as soon as I got in I ended up in a fight with the guy she had kissed and he said they were together now and that I should leave her alone... He ended up with a broken nose I think and guaranteed a lot of bruises; I got a sprained arm and a cut on my cheek. Blaine is the one who broke his nose. You should have seen him, he turned into the Hulk. But he broke his hand whilst doing it. And now the whole school knows that I have a dick. And that's where we are today and I really don't want to be in this town anymore. I want to go back to San Juan."  
I have no idea how long I had rambled but it must have been a while. Yet I had compressed it a lot. It was quiet for a while on the other end; the only thing I heard was Abuela’s breathing. I didn't say anything either.  
"Um... Is it ok if I ring you back?" She said with a strange tension in her voice... almost like she tried to hide that she was furious.  
"Yeah, sure... I guess." Sounding defeated.  
With that she hung up and surprised I stood there with the receiver in my hand.  
"Was that Abuela you were talking to?" I heard Catalina behind me. I turned around and looked at her. She looked sad.   
"Why haven't you told me all that?"  
“I-I don't know... I honestly don't know. I wish I had."  
"Me too. Even if I hadn't been able to help you it's always easier if you share your burdens with someone else instead of keeping it in."  
I nodded; I felt a lump in the throat that I frantically tried to exterminate. Catalina hugged me.  
"Are you angry?"  
"No, of course not! But next time something's up come to me, please..."  
Abuela called back a while later and said it was ok that I came. She talked with Catalina for a while after that and she told me that Abuela had called Papi and given him and Mami too apparently, a piece of her mind. Something along the lines of; "How could you do something so stupid..." and "That certainly is not how we raised our son!” Mami called after that but she seemed to pretend that nothing had happened.  
It took about an hour to get there and both Abuela and Abuelo came and met us out in their yard. She came straight up to me and hugged me. I didn't want to let go and she didn't try to pull away. Catalina came and put a hand on my shoulder, so Abuela pulled her in too. Javier just stood and watched while Che played around with Abuelo.  
"Thanks for driving her here" Abuela muttered to Catalina  
"No problem, I took the day off to be with her anyway."  
"Really?" I asked.  
"Yeah."  
Abuelo wanted in on it too and both I and Catalina gave him a hug. It felt so amazing to be somewhere where that I was wanted, far away from what had happened. Get some distance to it all and a chance to understand myself. Papi’s parents were always so supportive of Catalina and I, Not that Mami’s parents weren’t, and they just showed it in different ways. Right now I’m glad Abuela and Abuelo Lopez were the closest. Abuela ushered us into their small quaint house and my senses were on overload. Abuela had made her famous Paella. After stuffing our faces with Paella we moved to the living room and watched some old black and white movie from nineteen fifty-three or something.   
The movie was interrupted by a knock at the door, Catalina answered it with a growl, low voices emanated from the hall and then Mami and Papi walked in. I had no idea that they were coming and I wasn't exactly glad to see either of them. But apparently I wasn't the only one that was unaware of them coming, not even Abuela seemed to have known. Catalina, Javier and Abuelo gave them a cold reception. Che just looked really excited; I could see Javier holding Che in place to prevent him from flying towards them. Mami wanted to give me a hug but I took a step backwards to avoid her, Papi didn't even try. Despite that both of them really tried to get a conversation going but none of us was up to talking. This actually made me feel surprisingly good. They finally admitted defeat and left not even an hour after arriving. The atmosphere brightened immediately and Abuela went to prepare hot chocolate and cookies.

\---  
I had been at Abuela and Abuelo’s for one and a half weeks. That kind of tranquillity was so distant in my life. Mostly I sat in the comfy chair in their drawing room and looked through the window at the view, contemplating life. Abuelo came in sometimes and talked for a while, Abuela avoided bothering me if she could but was happy to come and talk if I wanted to. The little sanctuary they had provided for me was amazing. In a way I wished I could sit here for the rest of the summer but at the same time I didn’t want to over stay my welcome. They assured me that I was welcome to stay for as long as I wanted and I'm sure that was true but I still decided to go home the following Sunday. But I promised to come back later in the summer.  
I came home to Catalina’s pretty early in the afternoon. She informed me that, She, Javier and Che were heading to Toledo over night because Javier had to meet some clients early in the morning. At first she had said she was going to stay home with me so I wouldn't have to be alone but I persuaded her it was ok, that she could go without having a bad conscience.   
I felt like going to the mall for a little while, it was a long time since I did that by myself. When I came down to the bus stop it was empty but soon two more people arrived. They studied me discretely. The cut under my eye was still there and I still had my arm in a sling so I probably was a sight for sore eyes. After having ogled me for a while they went back to talking to each other again. The bus arrived after about ten minutes, I sat myself down in the front because at the back of the bus were some people from school that I didn't have any desire to interact. As far as I could tell they didn't notice that I came on.  
Fifteen minutes later the bus arrived at my destination, the stop was almost at the entrance to the mall. Fortunately those in the back weren't getting off there, only me. The doors opened as I approached and entered, there wasn't a lot of people moving around. Most of them seemed to be in the entrance hall while it was almost empty in the stores. I had a slight craving for chocolate so I went to get me a soda and a chocolate bar. The man in the stall noticed that I couldn't use my arm so he was nice put them in a bag for me. Slowly I made my way past two clothes stores and through one of the windows I saw something that made me fill with rage. In there was Brittany with Rachel Berry. My first impulse was to go in there and beat the shit out of her but the next was to hurry away from there so she wouldn't notice me. I took off, not paying attention to where I was going so I could keep an eye on her. I hope she hadn’t seen me. She didn't, but because I didn't look where I went I ran into someone else. The pain that shot through my arm forced all the air out of my lungs and made me fall backwards.  
"Oh my God! I'm so sorry! I didn't see you." Said the one I had collided with. After a few panicky seconds I managed to draw a desperate breath.  
"Are you ok?"  
A hand came into my field of vision and was held out to help me up. I followed the arm up to the face of Quinn. She helped me up as I took her hand and sat me down on a bench right beside us. My breathing was still heavy due to the pain.  
"Are you ok?" She asked again.  
"Yeah." I panted. "Arm hurts."  
"I'm sorry that I didn't look out."  
"It's cool... I wasn't exactly paying attention either."  
"Well, I looked in the display window to Urban Outfitters, what's your excuse?" She asked and smiled.  
"Same... but I was focused on the ice cream parlour” I quickly made up  
"Anything interesting?"  
"Um, Ice cream." I said and smiled back.  
At that moment I looked to my right and just then Brittany came out of the store and caught sight of me. She froze and stared at me. I saw her too and my smile faded away quickly. Her mouth opened and closed a few times as if she wanted to say something but didn't know what. I turned away from her and back to Quinn, which to my surprise had kept on talking like she hadn’t seen Brittany appear, despite the fact she had looked right at her the same time as I did.  
"I haven't seen you around here since that day at the park."  
"Yeah, I've been at my grandparents in a bit over a week. I came home about an hour ago."  
"Yeah, I can understand you had to get away for a while. Brittany seemed really proud of herself when she found out what had happened. I think it was really mean of her to tell Artie that.." I only muttered a little to what she said.   
"Artie stole her diary. I managed to get it off him and read it... There weren't many nice things in there." She went on.  
"Like what?"  
"Um... Well, I don't know if it’s fair to say."  
"Try."  
"Ok, eh... Ok, it said among other things that she had met Artie, just some day after you two began to go out. Apparently they had some fun together. When you two decided to meet at Rachel’s party she decided to get you."  
I felt the nausea come crawling as she talked and I didn't want to hear another word. What Brittany had done was unforgivable. Even if I didn't want to fully admit it since I in a way still liked her she had cause a catastrophe beyond comparison in my life. In that moment I wanted to beat her just as much as I had beaten Artie. I looked around and saw her a bit away talking to her friend about something; they shot glances at us and suddenly began walking towards where we sat. My first thought was to go meet them and if she had said a peep I would've given her a right hook. My right hand was still ok. Instead I felt Quinn grab my arm and begin to pull me away. I resisted and very soon they stood before us, I stared her straight in the eyes and she looked nervous.  
"What the hell do you want?" I asked with held back rage.  
"Just t-talk."  
"We have nothing to talk about and we never will. I don't know how the hell your head works but if you imagine for one second that I'll ever forgive you are dead wrong! And don't you dare come near me ever again or I won't hesitate to go all Lima Heights!" Holy crap, did I just say Lima Heights instead of San Juan? Has a nicer ring to it, perhaps I’ll use it in the future.  
After having said that I turned and marched away. All the three I had left behind looked stunned. Quinn recovered pretty fast and hurried back to my side. She didn't seem to be able to come up with anything to say so she just walked with me.  
"Do you think it was overkill?" I asked   
"What? Um... I-I don't know if I... Maybe."  
"Well... I couldn't hold it back. I was just so mad at her."  
"I guess that could be understandable..."

\---

Me and Quinn had a really good time the two hours we spent together during that day and she helped me to for the first time in a long time not think about bad stuff. Not until I came home again did it hit me what a different person she was compared to the impression I had got of her during the last two years. I started to think that everything that had been said, even things I had said, had been really unfair to her. She had asked me to call her the next day so we could hang out. I was very happy that there was somebody that was still interested at being friends with me after all that had happened, even though we hadn't been the greatest before. But that almost made it feel better since it showed she had guts considering that there was probably a lot of talk going around. I didn't even know if I dared to Puck or Blaine, which sucks cos I missed raccoon head and homoexplosion. Just as I stood there thinking about it the door opened behind me and Catalina came in. She must be heading away soon  
"Hola!" We said on the same time.  
"Have you been out or are you on your way?" She asked.  
"Yeah, I've been to the mall but I didn't find anything."  
She looked curiously at me. "You seem happy..."  
"Yeah, a little maybe." I said and couldn't help but smile even though I fought not to. Catalina smiled back but didn't ask for the reason; she thought I should tell her myself if I wanted to. I didn't, at least not right then.

\---  
I slept in for as long as I could the next day. Catalina called around eleven a.m. and woke me up. Even though I had gladly gone back to bed and slept a while longer I dragged myself up. When I sat to breakfast I remembered Quinn. She had said she wanted me to call. She was probably just yanking my tits, she hadn't really liked me before so why should she now? I put my dishes in the dishwasher. After that I sat down in the living room and turned on the TV instead. I sat there for about one and a half hours. I kept thinking about Quinn. Eventually I realized it was no use to try and ignore her. I got up and out to the kitchen, on the way I snatched the cordless phone and I dialled, thought it was best to do it before I changed my mind again. I sat nervously waiting for her to answer. My mind was being consumed by thoughts of her rejecting me. Like this is some huge joke to her.  
"Hi! I was getting worried that you wouldn't call." She said happily.  
"Ha, of course I was going to call. I only just got up." I stretched the truth a little bit.  
"Ok. Did you have a late night?"  
"Nah, not really. But its summer break so I can indulge myself."  
"Exactly, I wish I could sleep that long but I always wake up before nine o'clock. Don’t know why really..." we both laughed at this and at the same time said the same thing  
“Cheerios”  
We made small talk about both this and that for a while more. I discovered once again that she was really easy to talk to.  
"So, you want to do something today?"  
"Sure! Any suggestions?"  
"Well, I was hoping we could go eat somewhere. They've opened a new burger joint downtown, I don't know if you know? They opened a week ago and they are really good..."  
"No, I didn't know that. I'd love to come; it was a long time since I ate out."  
"Cool! Maybe we could meet around three by the bus station? I have to take care of some stuff before."  
"Sure, that's ok."  
"Awesome! See you then. Bye!"  
"Yeah, bye!"

\---  
I was still rather full when it was time to go but I decided to ignore that and try to eat anyway. If nothing else I could always get me a small menu and blame it on that Catalina was going to make dinner when she came home from work or something. In any case I rode the bus down town and when I got there, ten minutes early, she already stood there waiting. She seemed to know I would be arriving with that bus. I went off and walked over to her. To my surprise she hugged me as we met. I was a bit stumped and didn't really know what to do but I managed to get a hand up on her back. After that she kept talking as if what we had just done was the most natural thing in the world. She dragged me along the street; there were some small shops there but mostly restaurants, pubs, cafés and such. It also housed the movie theatre. But as far as I could see there was no new hamburger restaurant anywhere there, but as we had walked a bit on the avenue she turned into a side street and there it was. It looked rather cosy actually. She asked what I wanted while I got us a table. She came a while later with hamburgers, fries and sodas.  
"Here you go!" She said and gave me what I had asked for. Why did she pay for my food? I hate when people pay for me.  
"Thanks! I appreciate it really, but it would feel better if I got to pay for my food."  
"Hell no, it's cool. My treat."  
"Ok, I really appreciate it."  
"You can pay next time and we'll be even." She said and smiled.  
We continued to talk a little as we ate, but she was soon done and began to get restless. I didn't let me get stressed up over her obvious frustration. Hardly had I taken the last bite before she practically carried me out of there.  
"Come, I want to show you something."  
"Um... Ok... what?"  
"You'll see."  
She took me to a small clothing store with the more exclusive brands of dresses and underwear.  
"What are we doing here?"  
"I want to show you something."  
"In there?"  
"Yes!"  
"No."  
"What do you mean no?"  
"I'm not going in there."  
"Why not?"  
"Because I know the woman that works in there and I don't like her."  
"What does that matter? You don't have to talk to her."  
"I don't want to."  
"Ok ok, wait here then. I'll be right back."  
She didn't seem very upset about my refusal but seemed pretty smug when she marched into the store. It took a while but eventually came out from there, though without a bag or anything in her hand. I looked questioningly at her.  
"What did you do in there if you didn't get anything?"  
"Oh I got something alright." She said and smirked.  
"What do you mean?"  
She looked around to see if anyone was around and when she concluded that wasn't the case she looked at me again and opened her jeans and showed me a pair of blue silk panties that were a very snug fit. Her mound was clearly visible, as was the contours of her lips. I stared sheepishly at her exposed crotch before she just after that buttoned her jeans again.  
"I didn't know you got to try the underwear on in the store."  
"Of course you can't, but what they don't know won't hurt them."  
I opened my mouth to say something but it got stuck in my throat. She must have stolen the underwear then. Or? She could have snuck in behind a shelf or something and put them on me guess. It didn't feel like her style to steal, not now that I began to get to know her at least.  
"So, should we stand here the whole day or head on?"  
"Head on to where?"  
"There?" She said and pointed.  
In that direction was the movie theatre.  
"You want to watch a movie?"  
"Yes, I haven’t been in forever”  
"Sure, ok..."  
"Oh God, you're the best!"  
I didn't even get a chance to answer to that before she once again dragged me away towards the movie. Before we went in she stopped before the posters.  
"What do you like best? Action or romance?"  
"Well, action really but it doesn't really matter to me."  
"Ok, then, romcom it is." I rolled my eyes. Of course.  
I was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable for some reason. She hadn't been this, for lack of a better word, strange yesterday. Then she had talked and joked and all that but now she was just hauling me around. I wasn't really comfortable in that situation. When we stood in line I considered giving her my voucher since my last visit but something held me back. Pretty soon she had once again paid for me, this time I didn't protest since I actually didn't feel like sitting there ogling a big screen. I had preferred sitting on the burger restaurant for a while longer to talk, and then go for a walk or something like that, anything but sitting in there. Big black clouds had begun heap up at the horizon and it felt like it was going to be a serious thunderstorm so I'd rather have enjoyed the sun before it disappeared. But I was afraid she'd get cross so I kept my mouth shut. It was fifteen minutes before the movie started so we got good seats.  
Only when we had sat down she finally began to talk again. It's not like she hadn't been talking before it's just that it was more like the day before. We kind of talked about everything and nothing, like we had been friends for a long time. My feeling of unpleasantness began to ease and we didn't stop until the movie started. The theatre had filled a little but was far from full, plus everyone was strangely scattered. Only a bit into the movie I understood why. When I took my eyes away from the screen and looked at the people in front I saw that many couples were involved in their own activities. Mostly there was a lot of kissing, but a few I suspected had indulged in some heavy petting. I smiled to myself. At that moment I felt a hand searching its way into mine. I looked at Quinn but her eyes were still plastered to the screen, although a tiny smile could be distinguished on her lips. I felt a little insecure about the situation, didn't know if I really wanted it, but on the same time it was kind of cosy. It wasn't anything I had been prepared for since I hadn't noticed any signs before of her liking me that way but it was actually something alluring about it.  
After that I had a hard time concentrating on the movie, partly because I sat there thinking about how it felt holding hands and partly because I couldn't help but to look at her all the time. But she still seemed to pretend nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Finally the movie ended and she let go of my hand. I nodded slightly without her seeing it and thought on the same time that it had probably just been because everyone else was doing it. She probably wouldn't do it again anyway. Slowly we exited; there were a lot of people in front of us that tried to get out on the same time through the door. When we finally got through the door it was a little more open and didn't feel so crowded. At that moment I once again felt her hand sneak into mine. I looked at her and this time she gave me a shy smile. When we came to the front doors we stopped and stared outside. It was raining heavily. I groaned internally.  
"What should we do?" I asked.  
"Well, my apartment is only about two blocks from here..."  
"It is? I thought you lived at home."  
"Not anymore. I moved just after school ended."  
"No shit. I didn't know that.  
"You were away so of course you didn’t."  
"How wet do you think we'll get?"  
"We won't know unless we try."  
Having said that we opened the doors and began to run, I let her run first since I didn't know where she lived. Pretty soon she jumped in under the roof of an entrance leading to a staircase; quickly she punched in the code and ran up the stairs with me in tow.  
"Fuck, it's raining like hell!" She exclaimed.  
"That's definitely an understatement."  
She laughed as she produced her key and unlocked the door to an apartment with the name Quinn Fabray on the mail slot. Quickly she wrenched it open and pulled me inside. We dripped water all over the place, we were quite literally drenched.  
"If you take your clothes off I can dry them in the dryer."  
"I don't know. I should head home."  
"Oh come one! You're soaked; you'll get sick if you walk home like that."  
"Well, but..." I tried.  
"I'll only dry them and you can go, ok? You can borrow the phone so someone can come get you."  
It didn't take much logic to realize that she was right so I nodded. "Sure, ok."  
"Thought so." She said happily. "I'll get a towel and a robe for you so you can go into the toilet and take them off."  
She went into the bedroom where she apparently kept the towels; the robe was in another closet. She grabbed one of each and gave them to me.  
"The dryer is in there so just put your stuff in."  
"Ok."

I went into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. It was actually pretty nice, just like the rest of the apartment seemed to be. But to strip off all the clothes in the home of a girl I had made friends with just the day before, that I had really disliked before, felt weird. No, it felt extremely weird. But she was right, I couldn't go around in soaked clothes even when inside. So I began with removing the bandage around my arm and then wrenched my shirt off, which wasn't easy considering how wet it was. Then I unbuttoned my pants, inside them I was fairly dry since the jeans actually had kept most of it out. After the socks had come off I put on the robe. Now all I had on was that and a pair of boxer shorts, awkwardly I placed everything in the dryer and took a moment to compose myself.


	6. Chapter 6

\---------  
Chapter 5  
\---------  
Taking a deep breath I opened the door and went out, I looked for Quinn and saw that the door to her bedroom was ajar. Once again I found myself in a situation where I could sneak peeks at someone changing clothes. Holy fuck I’m a perv. The difference this time was that she was entirely naked and was just bending down to put her panties on. Though I only got a clear view of her breasts and not her crotch because I pulled away from there before that and went to sit down in her living room. A few moments later I heard her come out from her room and went to the bathroom. A minute later the dryer started to run and I heard her exiting the room since the sound muffled as she closed the door.  
"Do you want something hot to drink?" She asked from the hallway.  
"Um, yeah a coffee?."  
"How do you have it?"  
“Black”  
I looked around and caught sight of the remote to the stereo, looked in the direction it was pointed and saw where it stood. She had a rather large collection of cd's in two high racks on either side of the stereo. Curious as I was I went over to them and traced over the backs of them too see what her selection had to offer. Just as I was looking the stereo powered up and Cameo Lover by Kimbra began to pump out of the speakers. I turned around and saw Quinn there, not wearing much more than when I had seen her through her slightly opened door. Though now she also wore a bra. An interested smile met me as she came to me.  
"Find anything interesting?"  
"Um, yeah. You have an eclectic taste."  
"Anything you'd like to listen to?"  
"Kimbra’s cool."  
"Cool, I like her alot. Coffee is just brewing. Do you want a sandwich or something?"  
"Nah, I’m good.”  
"I am too actually."  
She quickly disappeared and then came back with our drinks.  
"If you want we can have some strawberries later, mom had some with her this morning when she came to visit. There was a lot left over."  
"That's fine."  
We continued to talk for a while. I found myself enjoying how easy it was to talk to her. Years of animosity between us seemed to just disappear. I was confused as to whether I should enjoy it or be cautious of it all. She just made me feel so comfortable at this moment. After a while she got up and she had switched the stereo off and turned the TV on. Apparently it was Grey’s Anatomy time, she said she hadn't missed one episode. Before it began she hurriedly carried out the empty cups and got a bowl with strawberry and a plastic pitcher containing whipped cream. She put it on the table in front of me.  
"You know what's really good with strawberries?" She asked with a cunning tone.  
"Well, icing sugar is usually good but I don't think that's what you mean..."  
"Nope, it's not." She said and laughed.  
"Ok, what do you have in mind?" I asked curiously.  
She went over to the bookshelf where she took out a bottle from a cabinet.  
"White wine. Interested?" I eyed her suspiciously  
"Um, sure."  
With that she also grabbed two wineglasses and sat down beside me again. She took an opener on the table that she used to uncork it. The glasses became a little more than half full after she had poured the wine, as an extra touch she put a strawberry in her glass. I thought that a wine connoisseur would've had a heart attack if he had seen her do that. Why not, I thought and did the same. Before long we had emptied one glass and were into our second and so on, so soon we began to get pretty giggly and silly. Quinn took a strawberry that she dipped in the cream, she then brought it to her mouth and tried to look seductive as she took it in her mouth and sucked it off. When she then bit off a bit I cracked and began to laugh really hard without really knowing why. She seemed a bit injured and took another one which she smeared in my face before putting it in my mouth. I didn't laugh any less from this and when she saw her deed she began to laugh too. Finally my stomach almost began to hurt and I tried to stop but Quinn had taken another strawberry that she was going to give me but dropped it in my cleavage. I completely lost my breath from laughing and was gasping for air and Quinn was doubled up on the sofa for the same reason. But revenge is sweet and as soon as I could I took one and smashed it on her stomach. After that the war was in full bloom, not until the bowl was empty did we give up. We were incredibly sticky and because we had more or less wrestled she had come to lie on top of me in the couch and held my hands above my head.  
"I give up! I give up!" I laughed.  
"And what's my price?"  
"Well, I can't say I've got all that much to offer really."  
"I beg to differ."  
After she said that she bent down and kissed me fiercely. In all the commotion the robe I had on had slid open and she began to kiss and lick her way down my throat. She let go of my hands to get down to my breast that she eagerly sucked into her mouth, I groaned as she did that. It felt incredible as she caressed lightly over the breast that she for the moment didn't have in her mouth. Excitement welled up inside me and I felt my cock begin to twitch. After a little while of handling she stopped and kissed me again.  
"How about a bath?"  
I looked up at her and then down on my body. "Yeah, I guess that's needed."  
"Good. Come!"  
She took my hand in one of hers and the wine bottle in the other. The dryer had finished a good while ago so it was quiet and warm in the bathroom.  
"I think it's best that we shower away the worst before we pour the water, it's probably going to get sticky otherwise."  
Without waiting for an answer she simply stripped off her bra and panties and stepped into the tub before I had even reacted. I couldn't back out now so I let the bathrobe slip off my shoulders and pushed the boxers off. It felt weird that it didn't bother me when she looked wide-eyed at my crotch that for the first time was exposed to anyone else but me. I swallowed my nervousness and smiled shyly. I stepped into the bathtub behind Quinn as she was in the middle of adjusting the temperature. It was still pretty cold so I pushed her in under the water, she howled and quickly jumped out again.  
"CUNT!”  
She tried to take me on but I managed to get a hold on her and lock her arms. We were pressed closely together, my breasts against her back, cock pressed firmly against her ass. Since I had to hold her pretty hard. She fought valiantly to get loose but didn't succeed very well. At first she whined that I cheated but then neither she nor I could help but laugh about the whole thing. The water had now heated up so we moved in under the stream. She turned around so we ended up in each other's arms.

"You're pretty strong aren't you?" She said quietly with an intriguing smile.  
In a few seconds time we had washed away the remnant from our strawberry war and Quinn pressed down the plug with her foot on the same time as she turned the regulator so the water began to flow from the tap on the side of the tub instead of from the nozzle above. She let go of me and lay down, looking invitingly up at me. As I sank down on my knees and closed in on her a smile began to form. Soon we met in an intense kiss. She bent her head back so I came to kiss her chin and then down over the throat, I was nearing the two big rounded mounds. This time it was me that sucked in her nipples in my mouth and this time it was she that moaned lustfully. At the same time that I teased her nipple and licked her areola my right hand went on a voyage over her body. First I massaged her other breast lightly for a while, then down towards her stomach where I encountered her bellybutton, I caressed vacantly around the strange indentation. Simultaneously to my handling she did almost the same thing, but she used her hand to caress my back and my buttocks. If I happened to touch a very sensitive area she dug her nails into my skin at the same time as she held hard on to the side of the tub.  
The closer I got to her pussy the more I got to experience that peculiarity. When my finger slid over her clitoris and down between her lips I thought she'd murder me. I removed her hand from my tender skin and put it on the edge of the bathtub where she could squeeze as best she wanted. She hardly seemed to notice what I did. My hand once again found its way down to her crotch that was now buried under the rising water. The finger ran though the valley and dived into the very moist vagina. After getting some natural lubricant on my finger I slowly let it slide out again and traced it up to her clitoris. As I began to caress around it she moaned high. In the beginning she remained fairly calm but the more I worked between her clit and her private entrance she began to move impatiently. The water that had risen a good bit now began to splash around alarmingly. When I then once again put my mouth on her nipple as I caressed her clit I noticed how she jerked first once and then again on the same time as she tensed up and her breath came out raggedly through a half open mouth. She had her eyes closed and pressed her head against the edge behind her, hardly a word came over her lips. I understood she'd had an orgasm considering that as soon as this happened she brutally swept me away from her body. It took about two or three minutes before she had regained her composure enough to open her eyes again.  
"Wow, that was amazing."  
"Good." I said and smiled.  
She pulled me in closer for a long kiss, kicking at the tap and turned the water off. We lay there for quite some time and talked and continued to drink the wine. But eventually I realized I had to get home, it was getting very late. I rose out of the bath and began to dry off while she stayed there revelling. It didn't take too long to get the clothes on because I didn't bother to put the bandages back, I just rolled them up to a ball and shoved them in a pocket. However my arm had begun to get a little overexerted because of our activities. When I was about to go she rose up and gave me a goodbye kiss and a last view of her naked body and after that I left her apartment. I went down the stairs and out of the building, then I hurried towards the bus station to catch the bus that was to depart in only three minutes. Fortunately the bus was late and came in to the station on the same time as myself.  
When I got home I was in a really good spirit. The endorphins were flowing through my veins. But as I came in through the doors I heard my parent's voices. This put a definite damper on my mood. I removed my shoes and went to the living room but stayed in the door. They all looked up at me.  
"¿Dónde has estado?” Mami demanded glaring at me.  
"Why?"  
"Hemos estado aquí durante dos horas! ¿No tiene consideración por nadie sino a ti mismo?" She snapped  
“So..." I said indifferently.  
"No utilice ese tono conmigo Ava Santana López!”  
I didn't answer but just looked questioningly at them. They noticed I wasn't particularly happy to see them.  
" Tenemos que hablar con usted.”  
"About what?"  
" Acerca de lo que ha pasado."  
"Has something happened?" I said sarcastically.  
" Deja de ser tan engreído, no hemos hecho nada para merecer eso." She snapped again. I hardly believed what I was hearing, even Catalina raised her eyebrows. 

"Oh really? You haven't?"  
" ¿Qué se supone que significa eso? "  
"What the hell do you think it means? You throw me out of my own home because I might be inclined to like my own gender. Is that not to deserve it?"  
"Well, you've got to understand..." Mami started in English. I frowned and then anger fuelled everything  
"Understand what? That just because someone has different sexual preferences than their parents they're not worth being their kids anymore, is that what I've got to understand?"  
"No, listen. That's not what we meant..."  
"Why can't I just get to choose for myself who, and what gender, I want to have sex with or not?"  
Their facial expressions stiffened somewhat and I could see they had at least a ton of admonishments they would've been more than happy to throw at me. But they held back.  
"Ok, so maybe you haven't decided yet but..."  
"Oh please! That's not something you just decide, it just is. But yes, I have 'decided'."  
They both looked curiously at me.  
"Oh, who is he?" Dad asked.  
I was dumbstruck for a long while, just staring at them. From that moment I didn't feel like I was even related to them anymore. They were complete strangers to me. They didn't care about me, because if they had they'd have listened to me and what I had to say and not just heard what they wanted.  
"Damn you! FUCK BOTH OF YOU!"  
I ran out in the hallway again and quickly threw my shoes on and ran out. I came out in the yard and wondered for a moment where I should go. Eventually I ran in behind some bushes that stood in front of an adjacent building. A lump in my throat fought to get out but I fought back and managed to keep it in check. Before I saw my parents leave I didn't move a muscle to get out from my hiding place. Slowly I went back again, looked around so they hadn't got the idea to come back. Catalina stood in the hall and seemed to be waiting for me. She looked sad, only when she came and hugged me I broke to pieces. I began to cry uncontrollably. However much I wanted to hold back it was impossible. She comforted me as best she could but it took a long time before I began to calm down and just as long time after that we just stood there holding each other.  
The next day when I woke up I had a dull pain in my head. I had a vague feeling it was because I had been drinking much more than I normally did. Come to think of it Quinn didn't drink even half of what I did, but it had felt natural at that time. But on the other hand the sex had felt natural too at that time but it didn't now when I was no longer under the influence of the alcohol. I strongly regretted what we had done, I wasn't ready for it and now I was scared I had given her false hope because I had no desire to enter a relationship of any kind with anyone at the moment. As it felt at the moment I'd rather have gone into hibernation in a hole somewhere for a couple of hundred years. After a few attempts I finally managed to get out of bed even though everything was spinning. I went straight for the cabinet with medicines and took an aspirin that I washed down with water. Then I lay down on the couch and waited for it to have effect. The phone rang right after I had fallen back asleep and my head felt like bursting from the loud signal.  
"H-hello." I answered tormented.  
"Hey, it's Quinn."  
"Oh, hi."  
"Um, what's up?" She wondered a little hesitantly, I had probably sounded somewhat disappointed when I heard it was her.  
"I'm lying on the couch, waiting for the painkiller to have effect."  
"Ok, would you like to come over later when it has?"  
"I don't know. I'm not exactly feeling sociable so to speak."  
"It's cool, I had just planned to rent some movies and order pizza. Don't need much mood for that."  
"I guess. Well, yeah ok I can come for a while. I'm gonna sleep a while more first."  
"You do that. Come when you feel like it."  
"Ok, sure."  
"Bye"  
I threw the cell phone to the other end of the couch and turned to the side and fell asleep again.

No one could have credited it for being a good sleep but when I woke up I was at least a little more like a human. I managed to collect myself and skip breakfast, instead I went straight to brush my teeth. After that I went to the bus stop without caring much about my surroundings. But on the other hand there wasn't much to care about. An old lady with a walker sat beside me but she didn't make a sound. When the bus came I let her go first and helped her lift up the walker on the bus so the driver wouldn't have to, they were both grateful. Chivalry is not dead. Soon I was once again down town and headed towards Quinn's staircase.  
I arrived a little while later, it could've gone faster if I had hurried but it felt like a good day to take it easy on. In any case I was greeted by both a hug and a kiss, both of which were only half-heartedly reciprocated. The movies lay spread out on the table and she wanted me to choose which one to watch first. I chose one I thought would be at least some action in but alas I was deceived. It was much more romance and comedy, not really something that suited my mood. I wanted blood, I wanted gore and I wanted it now. But I kept quiet and let it go on. I noticed Quinn edging ever closer until she after a while was leaning her head against my shoulder. Another while later she had begun to caress my leg, my arm and so on. I did my best to try and ignore it and hope it would cease. It didn't. Finally she pulled me to her and began to kiss me heatedly on the same time as she was caressing my inner thigh. It was no doubt what she was after.  
"Quinn stop it. I don’t want this.”  
"Why not? What have I done?"  
"You haven't done anything. I just don't feel like it."  
"Then I must have done something!"  
"No you haven't."  
"Screw it then! What are you doing here if you're so moody?"  
"I'm starting to wonder that myself. You're no ray of sunshine either." I answered testily.  
"Then get out of here!"  
"Fine."

With that I rose from the couch and stormed out of the room. At first it seemed as she'd remain in there but she came out into the hall and stormed after me like a crazy possessed demon.  
"I thought 'guys' wanted to do it all the time." She snapped.  
"I wouldn't know then, would I?"  
"Oh is the tranny confused?" She hissed maliciously. "Hell, I can understand that Brittany couldn't love you. I'll be damned if anyone ever can!"  
Her angry comment took the breath out of me. It cut like a white-hot knife blade through my soul. I turned and ran quickly from her apartment without looking at her.  
"Go fuck yourself Fabray!"  
"Wait! No, I'm sorry!" She called after me.  
But I wasn't listening. I ran down the stairs and through the entrance door. I stopped on the curb and looked around, where would I go? In that moment I caught sight of my dad in a car that drove by. It stopped in a free parking space just ten meters away. Dad got out of the car but didn't see me, I froze, praying he wouldn’t see me. But he did.  
"Santana!" He said surprised. I turned and ran in the other direction.  
"Wait, let me explain!" He called after me.  
I definitely had no plans on waiting. More emotions rushed through me on the same time than I had ever experienced in my entire life. I felt sad, angry, betrayed, frustrated and above all I felt like a complete idiot. To think that I'd been so damned blind and gullible. I understood now why mom and dad had fought so much, they were getting a divorce. And that I didn't realize that all Quinn wanted from me was sex, probably she just wanted to try being with a girl and saw her chance with me. Well, I could at least comfort myself with not having gone all the way. All these thoughts were spinning in my head and without thinking I ran right out on the cross walk. A car came in high speed towards me and stood on the breaks with tires screeching a little. In the last second I threw myself forward and managed to avoid getting hit. The man lounged himself out of the car as soon as he had stopped.  
"What the hell are you doing? Are you trying to kill yourself?"  
I just stared horrified at the shocked man. He looked really angry so I managed to crawl up on my legs and began to run. I hardly thought of what I was doing.  
"Stop! I want to talk to you!"  
But I wasn't listening and ran fast down a set of stairs and continued along the way that led towards the river. Still, his words rang in my ears. 'Are you trying to kill yourself?'. Did I want to? Or should I? It felt like I was in everybody's way whatever I did. Only when I came to the side of the river did I stop to rest. It was well needed considering how fast I had been running and for how long, my heart was beating so hard I was almost afraid it would crack my ribs. I sat down on a bench that faced the water and caught my breath. It didn't take too long before I once again could breath normally but I remained seated. So many thoughts came and went as I sat there looking out over the water. Not many people were walking past but that was probably due to the big black clouds that were once again rolling in over us. I went to the border and looked down in the water. It had a fairly strong current and many small whirls was created and dissolved. It felt inviting somehow. A quick end to all my problems. I'm sure no one would miss me. Except Catalina maybe, but at least she wouldn't have to have me living there. Only problem would be if someone saw me and tried to rescue me. Although there were ways that would be less excruciating... I didn't get further than that.  
"It's no use... I've already thought about it." I heard a familiar voice say. I turned around and my eyes fell on... Brittany.  
"What's your excuse?"  
"You..." She replied sheepishly  
"Me? Me??? I didn’t fucking do anything. You aren’t the one that was betrayed you fucking bitch!"  
"Yes... I have. But not by you."  
"Fuck no I haven't betrayed you. You selfish bitch"  
"But in a way you haven't been betrayed by me either."  
"What a load of shit!" I roll my eyes. Anger seeping through my pores  
"Even if it makes me really sad that you think I let you down I can understand that. We had got off on the wrong foot even before that last thing happened..."  
I rolled my eyes and mumbled something hardly distinguishable about how much I believed what she said.  
"Can't you please listen to what I have to say?" She said upset and it sounded as the words almost got caught in her throat.  
"You can talk, doesn’t mean I’m gonna listen."  
She sighed and watched me sadly but still began to talk. "About half an hour before we were going to meet I was making myself ready. Quinn came over, saying she wanted to talk to me. I thought it was strange so we went up to my room. Emily started crying so I ran out of the room and when I came back I caught Quinn reading my diary. She knocked me over and ran out, at the same time she locked the door from the outside so I couldn't come out. Seriously, hated Mom at that moment for putting a lock on the outside of my door. My phone was in my jacket, down stairs. I kicked on the door and screamed but nobody opened because obviously everyone decided that at that moment they should go out. So I had to give up. Only then did I see what she had read. It was the part I had had written after you had come to me and told me that you had special features. Not until a good while later when mom came home could I get out and I called right away. I only got the machine and I had lost all my numbers on my phone, I think Quinn deleted them. Only two days later did I hear what had happened. I tried desperately to get a hold of you but I couldn't and when I suddenly saw you in the mall I was so taken a back I didn't know what to say. You and pretty much everyone else thought that I had sent Artie after you."  
I shook my head. "That story should have a false ring even in your ears"  
When I had said that she sank down on the bench with her face in her hands, she had begun to cry.  
"Please... you've got to believe me. I would never do something like that to you... I... I love you... I really do."  
She looked up at me and I could see the tears running down her tears and the incredible pain her eyes bore witness to. The sorrowful look in them touched something deep deep inside of me and my anger towards her disappeared in a flash. I stared speechless at her and defiantly she stared back.  
"Is all that really true?" I whispered after a long while.  
"Yes, I swear. Cross my heart."  
"Why would Quinn do that?"  
"She was jealous, she was from the start. I don't know if she really likes girls or if it's just to show everyone that she has you on her side, but I never thought she could sink that low."  
"It's my fault. I should've realized... She had never been nice before so why should she have been now..."  
"It's not your fault. You couldn't know that."  
I looked at her once again. "C-can you forgive me?"  
A small smile played over her lips. She rose up and hugged me. "Of course I can."  
"I'm sorry I've been so blind." I whispered in her ear.  
She only hugged me harder. An elderly couple that went by smiled at us. When she let go of me I still held my arms around her back. She was very close to me.  
"Did you mean what you said?"  
She understood what I meant. Our eyes looked deeply inside each other but instead of answering with words she raised her head a bit and kissed me on the lips. It felt like my heart stopped. Her lips felt incredible against mine and that answer gave me back my will to live. When she once again hugged me her cheek caressed against mine and it felt wonderful. Like silk against my skin. In that moment a faint thunder was heard far away and small raindrops began to fall on us.  
"Come on. Mom is waiting in the car over there." She said and pointed to a lone car on a parking a bit away.  
"What? Your Mom is there?"  
"Yes, we saw you almost getting hit by the car and we followed you here. You're not angry are you?"  
I shook my head. "Of course not... not now that I know the truth."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPANISH:  
> Where have you been? -¿Dónde has estado?  
> We have been here for two hours! Have you no consideration for anyone but yourself?- Hemos estado aquí durante dos horas! ¿No tiene consideración por nadie sino a ti mismo?  
> Don't use that tone with me Santana Ava Lopez! - No utilice ese tono conmigo Ava Santana López!  
> We need to talk to you - Tenemos que hablar con usted.  
> About what’s happened - Acerca de lo que ha pasado  
> Stop being so cocky, we haven't done anything to deserve that. - Deja de ser tan engreído, no hemos hecho nada para merecer eso.  
> What’s that supposed to mean? - ¿Qué se supone que significa eso?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Resolution

————-  
Chapter 6  
————-  
We began to hurry towards the car. Her mom sat and was apparently reading the newspaper, but she could easily just have folded the top to see what we were doing, which I’m sure she had done too.  
“Hey Santana!” she greeted me happily when I came into the car. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”  
“Hello.” I answered and occupied myself with the seatbelt to avoid answering that last part.  
“Where to?” She wondered.  
“I’d be very grateful if you could give me a ride to my sisters.”  
“Sure, where does she live?”  
“Drive towards Lima Heights Adjacent and I can guide you.”  
“Ok.”  
With this her mom started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. My hand rested on the seat beside me and suddenly Brittany’s hand covered mine. Last time at the movies it was me that had taken her hand but now she was the one that made the tentative advance. She let it lie there for a while and when I didn’t make any attempts to remove mine, her fingers slowly slid in under my palm. I think that at that moment my stomach was about to explode with butterflies, all over Brittany. I literally felt like puking rainbows. For a few second I hesitated but then I turned my hand anyway and our fingers entwined properly. We sat like that until we arrived. As soon as we had exited the car she hurried to take my hand again as if she was afraid I’d leave her again. I could feel her mom’s eyes burning a hole into the back of my head but tried to ignore them and wondered if she knew about my true nature. We came in and heard that Catalina was in the kitchen.  
“Hey!” She called.  
“Hi!”  
When she heard a second voice saying hi to her, her head quickly shot out from the kitchen with a surprised expression.  
“Brittany?”  
“It’s a long story.” I warned her. “I’ll tell you later.”  
“Um… Ok.” She raised her eyebrow and turned into the kitchen again and left us alone, or at least as alone as one can be in an apartment.  
“Well…” I hesitated and laughed softly. “To be honest I have no idea what to say. So much has happened the last few days…”  
“So where does this leave us?”  
“I don’t know. I’ve got to digest all this and try to get my life in order…” She looked worried so I took her hands. “You know what, I’ll call you tomorrow and we can do something, ok?”  
She smiled and nodded. “Sounds good. Maybe we should be careful…”  
“We’ll take it as it comes, no use to try and decide beforehand.”  
She looked into my eyes in silent agreement. “Maybe I should go, mom’s waiting.”  
“I’ll call you tomorrow, I swear.”  
I bent down and kissed her and she kept her eyes closed for a few seconds extra after our lips parted. She caressed my cheek and then left. I actually stood there and held my hand on the door after she had closed it. Catalina had probably listened in from the kitchen and came out to me as soon as the door had closed behind Brittany. For some reason as I watched Brittany leave a despondent demon took over my mood.  
“Do you want to talk about it?”  
I almost threw myself around her neck and she hugged me comforting. It’s not like I was sad, I just needed to talk. We sat down in the kitchen and Catalina made us tea while I began to tell. I skipped the part about dad at first and told what involved me, but I couldn’t keep it from her.  
“H-have you talked to mom or dad?” I asked her.  
“Only a little. Why?”  
“Are they getting a divorce?”  
“I don’t know. But they haven’t exactly been best friends lately.”  
“You know what I told you about running from Quinn’s apartment?”  
“Yes…”  
“Just when I came out I saw dad going past in a car. It parked a bit down the street and dad got out and tried to talk to me.” I was expecting a shock-reaction but didn’t get any. “It… it’s not the first time is it?”  
She shook her head. I looked out through the window to get a moment to think and the next second I stormed out of the kitchen, to the hall and ran out. Catalina saw why and hurried after me.  
“Santana! Wait!… SANTANA!… Fuck!”  
She rushed after me out to the yard. But I had already reached my victim.  
“GOD DAMN YOU! HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU DO A THING LIKE THAT!!!” I yelled at the top of my voice, dad tried to get a word out. “SHUT UP! YOU DARE LECTURE ME ABOUT MY SEXUAL PREFERENCE AND YOU CAN’T EVEN FUCKING KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE TOGETHER! OH I’M SO EVIL AND SO UN-NORMAL. YOU CAN’T EVEN FUCKING RESPECT THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE!” I yelled and rounded on mom. “YOU KNEW ALL ALONG AND NOT ONE FUCKING TIME DID YOU COME TO MY DEFENCE, JUST THE OPPOSITE!”  
Mom and Catalina tried to get in between since I had gone over to try and attack dad.  
“LET GO OF ME!” I roared.  
“CALM DOWN! NOW DAMN IT!” Catalina yelled at me.  
I had never seen her that angry before and was completely dumfounded and quieted down abruptly.  
“You know, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to come here in a while. Santana has been through way too much the last few days and is totally distraught, I think it’s for the best.”  
With that she put her arm around me and led me away, leaving mom and dad behind us. Several neighbours had begun to look out through their windows to see what the commotion was about but I was too dazed to notice. Only when we were back home did I notice how much I was shaking. Catalina noticed too. It wasn’t because I cried, because I didn’t even though tears were running down my cheeks, it was from the pure rage that had an iron grip on me, so was the tears. I just stood there staring, incapable of moving a muscle on my own accord, my head was empty, couldn’t think. Catalina took me under the arm and lead me into the bedroom where she helped me take of my shoes and my clothes and put me in the bed. She tucked me in and then looked at me sadly. She pressed her lips to my cheek, kissed me.  
“Santana, I love you! Please don’t break apart now, we’ve got to be there for each other. Ok?”  
I didn’t do anything to acknowledge her but something in my eyes told her I had heard her.  
—-  
My night’s rest was non-existent. Maybe around six in the morning did I fall asleep from sheer exhaustion, Catalina had seen it since she had been up at half past five to go to the toilet. When she was back I had gone to sleep. The pity for me burned a hole in her soul. After going back to bed she slept for three more hours before she woke up again. Some hours later she found my mobile, as she had guessed it was still on. She found Brittany’s number and called.  
“Brittany!”  
“Hi Brittany, it’s Catalina. Santana’s sister.”  
“Hi?” She said surprised.  
“Well… Um, I couldn’t help but hearing when you talked yesterday and you decided that Santana would call you and I’m kind of calling for her.”  
“Ok…” She sounded hesitant.  
“Santana isn’t feeling very well. After you went yesterday we had a little family fight between Santana and our parents… She took it pretty hard. She’s hardly slept. “  
“Oh wow… Is she okay?” Brittany’s voice was full of concern  
“No. But I just wanted to tell you so you don’t have to wonder why she doesn’t call. You can call tomorrow and we’ll see how she feels, ok?”  
“Sure, no problem.”  
“Good. Bye”  
They ended the call and Catalina went to check on me. I had woken up but only lay there staring absently into the roof. As the hours went by Catalina began to get scared, scared that something was wrong. The only thing I had done was go to the bathroom, seemingly on autopilot, other than that I just lay there staring. Finally she couldn’t take it anymore. Desperate and heartbroken she called Abuela, she did her best to calm her down and get a coherent story out of the babble she heaved out. She didn’t need to hear much of it to decide she needed to get here right away. It didn’t take more than an hour before they came through the door. In the meantime Catalina paced back and forth in the apartment, made sporadic attempts to talk to me. She threw herself around the neck of Abuela and Abuelo as they came. Catalina almost dragged her into the bedroom.  
“She’s been like this since yesterday.”  
Abuela looked at me for a little while. “She has gone into her own mind…” She said breathlessly.  
“What?” Catalina said.  
“You’re having a real hard time, aren’t you hermosa?” She said as she stroked my hair.  
“I don’t understand.”  
“It’s hard to explain if you haven’t been through it yourself. She’s taken a refuge in a pretend-world inside her head to be rid of all her problems out here. I don’t even know if she knows we’re here.”  
“You mean… have you?”  
“Yes, when I was little.”  
“What happened?”  
“My father abused me. I fled into my own head so I didn’t have to feel the pain.”  
” W-what can we do?”  
“We can try luring her back…”  
“How?”  
“Well, my Mami used to make hot chocolate for me when Papi wasn’t around. It usually worked on me. Hot chocolate was not something you could get easily back then.”  
“Will that work?”  
Abuela sighed. “I don’t know honey. I really don’t know. It’s just so different what you react to… Is there something you know that she really likes?”  
“I don’t know. Not that I can think of.”  
“Try!”  
“Orange… Raspberry soda… Coffee… I don’t know.”  
“Please, can’t you think of something that she really would like to come back for? Try really hard!”  
“I’m trying! I’m trying! I don’t know. I haven’t thought all that much about it!” She yelled desperately.  
She was on the verge of a breakdown.  
“There, there, it’s ok.” Abuelo said and hugged her.  
“You look exhausted, have you eaten anything?” Abuela wondered.  
“N-no, I… haven’t had…”  
“Oh but little nieta, we have to fix something for you.”  
“B-but Santana?”  
“Well, she’s not going anywhere. It’ll give us some time to think.”  
All three of them went to the kitchen and Abuela went on to make dinner. Skilled as she was it didn’t take very long and they all sat down in silence. Wondered what they’d do. Abuelo had so far been relatively quiet but seemed to contemplate something.  
“Vanilla.” He said suddenly and both grandma and Catalina looked up at him.  
“What?” They said in unison.  
“Vanilla. I remember she’s mentioned that she likes perfume with vanilla.”  
“Have you got something like that?” Abuela wondered.  
“I don’t know… Maybe… Yeah, but soap.”  
“Could be worth a try don’t you think?” Abuelo said.  
“Absolutely.” The two women concurred.  
“I’m hungry.” All three of them looked surprised at the source of the raspy voice, me. It took a little while before they got their speech back.  
“Santana!” Catalina flew out of the chair and threw herself around my neck. “Oh god, Santana! I’ve been so worried.”  
She hugged me hard. Abuelo came up to me too while Abuela took it easy and got a plate of food for me. She knew what it was about and knew therefore that it was better to let me have food since that was what I wanted. Catalina followed me to the table and sat down across me while Abuelo continued his meal and Abuela got me a shirt since I was naked waist up. After getting some food in my stomach I began to liven up a little although I was still very weak. They put me in front of the TV and I didn’t have any say in it. I was under continuous supervision by Catalina that still hadn’t calmed down completely. She came into the room as often as she could to check on me. If I looked the least absent or concentrated she gave me a slight push. A while later Abuela and Abuelo announced that they were going to see Mami and Papi. They didn’t say why, but they didn’t need to either, we understood anyway.  
Catalina sat down beside me after getting some chips and soda. We watched TV until half past eleven in the evening when we decided to go to bed. We hadn’t talked very much while we were watching but when we lay there in bed and looked at each other we began to. She told me how I had been after the fight and how scared she had been. I got a very bad conscience but she assured me it was ok, that someone could care so much about me felt almost unreal. She didn’t ask me how I had experienced the whole thing and to be honest I’m not sure I could have told her. We lay quiet for a while, tried to read each others minds.  
“Can I move here?” I suddenly asked seriously.  
She was a little surprised at first but she had actually waited for it. Or rather she had thought about it, she just didn’t know if she would dare ask it. Since I had come to her the apartment had felt so much more homely somehow. She knew it wouldn’t last for all time but still. She smiled to me and was honest about her thoughts, I was so happy and hugged her hard.  
“We’ll talk more about it tomorrow ok? I need to talk with Javier and Che. In the mean time we really should get some sleep now don’t you think?”  
“Sure!”  
—-  
I slept in that morning, but on the other hand I really needed to. The phone rang at about ten to ten.  
“Hola, Catalina habla.”  
“Hi, this is Brittany.”  
“Hey. How are you?”  
” I’m fine. A little tired, I go to bed way too late during the summer breaks.”  
“Enjoy it while you can. You can’t do that when you start working.” Catalina joked.  
“No, I’m sure that’s true. Um… is Santana better today?”  
“Sure, she is. But she’s sleeping at the moment.”  
“Oh, ok.”  
“We went to bed pretty late too yesterday actually. We were watching a movie on TV. But I thought I’d wake her up soon so if you want you’re welcome to come by. I’m sure Santana would like that.”  
“Sure, I can do that. Just call me if she says she doesn’t want company, I don’t want to be a bother.”  
“I doubt you have to worry about that, but I promise I’ll call in that case.”  
“Thanks! Bye.”  
“Adios.”  
Sometime around half past eleven the doorbell rang and Catalina went to open. It was Brittany.  
“Hola! Glad you could make it.”  
“Hey, thanks!”  
“I haven’t had time to wake her up yet. Do you think you could do that?”  
“No problem.”  
“I appreciate it very much.”  
She disappeared to the kitchen to take care of something. Brittany went quietly to the door that lead to my bedroom and opened it. It was dark in there so she went to the window and pulled open the blind, suddenly the sunlight flooded into the room. She turned around, looked at the one she loved that slept so calmly. But she thought she could see a troubled expression on my face. She went over to the bed and sat down beside me, carefully she put her warm hand on my cheek. What she didn’t know was that I was in the middle of a horrible nightmare so I woke with a start and quickly sat up without thinking and practically head-butted her. By pure reflex she had turned away to protect herself. It took a second or two before I realized where I was. I saw the cut on her cheek.  
“Britt… Brittany, I… It wasn’t… I didn’t know…”  
She looked at me and saw how terrified I was, she pulled me into a hug.  
“It’s ok.”  
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt you. I had a nightmare and…”  
“You didn’t hurt me, you just scared me.”  
“But… your cheek?”  
“No no, that’s wasn’t you. That was Emily, she was a little wild as I left home earlier.”  
“Oh god, I was so scared I had hurt you.”  
She hugged me even harder and rocked me soothingly from side to side. I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t begin to cry.  
“I’ve made some food. If you want some please come now.” Catalina called. We were all alone in the room. I sat up on the bed as I removed the cover. The only thing I had on was my boxers. Brittany turned away as soon as she realized what I was about to do and didn’t see anything. I didn’t say anything about that but put on a t-shirt and a pair of light blue jeans that Catalina had put on a chair for me. Brittany had risen from the bed and stood at the end of it turned towards the door. I came up behind her and slid my arms around her waist. She was a little surprised but then took my hands and kept them there for a while. I breathed in her lovely scent of vanilla and once again remembered how I had fallen for her in the first place. I remembered the times we had been out together, the cafe and the movie theatre and not least the time I had given her a massage. The heat spread in my body and I realized that I actually loved this girl that I held in my arms. I moved my mouth close to her ear. I nibbled on it softly. At first she didn’t move so incredibly slowly I started to kiss her throat and back towards the neck. She began to breathe heavily and slowly turned around in my arms. We looked deeply into each others eyes for a few seconds before our lips met in the first really intense kiss we had had thus far. If Catalina hadn’t come to look for us to see where we had gone and after looking at us for a little while coughed a little discretely to get our attention that kiss had probably led something more in a very close future. Catalina was very happy that I was so well again.  
“We’ll continue what we started later.” I whispered to her before we went to the kitchen.  
We had eaten pretty fast, Brittany didn’t take much since she had already eaten breakfast. During that time we talked about what our plans was for the day. Catalina said she was going to her friend Mikaela, she had apparently asked for help with sewing curtains. Brittany asked if I’d like to come home to her, I had only met her mother and little sister and she wanted me to meet the rest of the family too, her older brother and her Dad. It felt strange that she suddenly wanted to introduce me to her whole family, as if we were… together. As if she wanted to display her new girlfriend/boyfriend thing. Her new partner? Was that what she wanted? I felt that I had to ask her. Catalina went as soon as we had finished eating and she felt that she could leave me with a clean conscience now that I felt so good again.  
She came back just a few moments after she had left. “Do you want a ride by the way?”  
We looked at each other and nodded. “Yes please!” I called.  
“Make yourself ready and come down. I’ll get the car in the meantime.”  
I felt I probably would have to change clothes if I was going to meet a lot of people. Brittany thought it unnecessary but I still changed from t-shirt to a buttoned shirt. This was done with speed and soon we were down waiting for Catalina. She had just exited the parking a bit away. I turned to Britt.  
“Who are you going to introduce me as?”  
“I’m sorry, who?”  
“Yes…”  
She looked puzzled at first but I could see when the coin dropped.  
“Girlfriend?”  
“Do you want that?”  
“I think so. Do you?”  
“Definitely.”  
We couldn’t help but laugh. The butterflies went on a rampage in our stomachs. We had made it official and she took my hand, giving it a slight squeeze. I’d never felt this happy in my life.


End file.
